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Examen 35: I’m not sure I’m Pure …

Posted on 3 October, 20074 October, 2007 by Sivin Kit

Sivin at Kopitiam

“So what race are you?”, a question is posed to me.

My reply, “I’m supposed to be Chinese, according to my Identity card I’m Hokkien. I can’t speak the dialect though. My mom is Chinese Cantonese I think but rumor (actually pretty reliable family history) tells me I’m not a pure Chinese. Grand dad was an adopted child by great grand father, and I eavesdropped once when the aunties were telling this to my mom saying great grand mother was a migrant worker perhaps of Indian origin. Well, the fact, is I don’t really know. What I do know is I’m not a pure Chinese.”

Of course, what I do know as well is I am Malaysian!

The morning breakfast was supposed uneventful. There I was with my RM3.50 Wantan Mee and RM1.50 Nescafe (wow! if I have a RM5 breakfast every morning that would be about RM100 a month for breakfast).

The trio friendly looking strangers came and sat with me outside. The inside of the coffee shop was full so sometimes we have to sit with other friendly looking strangers like me!

After the initial. The conversations drifted into little comments on the rising crime rate in the country. The little blurbs that sneaked into the sentences included the senselessness of the killings after theft, indirect racist remarks on 2 other races. What was next was the education people get which later progressed to how people who don’t study get into universities. So some structural critique added to the already bordering commentary totally with no self-critique but only assigning blame to others. Sure, this was only morning breakfast chit-chat right?

I probed perhaps we can do something about it. I stuck with something more distant ideas like how about our government and the coming elections to express our disappointments and dissatisfaction. The reply gave me a feeling that the trio or at least one of them articulated what could be on most people’s minds. In short something along these lines, “We may be unhappy (and we are unhappy) but there’s no freedom to say what we feel. At the ballot box, we will still vote those in power. We have no choice.” Earlier, just for some ice breaking, I mentioned perhaps we might have a version of what the Buddhist monks are doing in Mynamar (not exactly the same but some form of protest). My breakfast partners shook their heads and said this will never happen in Malaysia.

The general feeling was of resignation …

Am I the only one who seems to think other wise? While I was never one who would give up so easily, I was one who merely saw all the socio-political stuff from a distance. This has changed. It was a slower process for me. But irreversible. As for personal feelings after conversations like the one above, words like “disturbed”, “ashamed”, “curious”, “frustrated” … at times, “angry” and “impatient.”

There’s much to learn. There’s much to correct. Starting with ourselves. And that requires honesty and humility.

Lord have mercy.

7 thoughts on “Examen 35: I’m not sure I’m Pure …”

  1. CK Lee says:
    3 October, 2007 at 2:31 pm

    I heard a lot of such common issues conversed among the Chinese non Christians Community in Ipoh whereas most of the English ed community migrated to Sing, Aust, UK or other better countries. M honestly, wondering how as Christian should respond to such issues. Good to hear from you that gives me some kind of direction and solution as to how to respond as a Christian to persevere!!

  2. christine says:
    3 October, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    yeah, most of my friends seemed “resigned” over the fact that Malaysia will continue to be the way it is (if not worse) and is shocked that i want to return to Malaysia eventually because I believe we can change the situation too!

    on another note, both gareth and elysia are getting cuter!!! and a 3rd one on the way eh? 😉 u’re fruitful ps sivin (and your wife of course)! hehe.. it’s good to see that..

    ahh, i miss home!

  3. Paul Long says:
    4 October, 2007 at 4:19 am

    RM 100 a month for breakfast if it includes conversations like that with different people from different walks of life could be well worth it 🙂

    I am almost done reading Dan Kimball’s “They Like Jesus but not the Church” and find that whiole the book is not saying anything that “new” (ie that we don’t already know UNLESS WE ARE THAT BLUR), the power of the book lies in the quotes and insights he has gathered through conversations with all kinds of people outside the church.

  4. Pingback: B L O G P A S T O R » is there hope of change in Malaysia?
  5. Bob K says:
    5 October, 2007 at 3:00 am

    I mentioned perhaps we might have a version of what the Buddhist monks are doing in Mynamar (not exactly the same but some form of protest). My breakfast partners shook their heads and said this will never happen in Malaysia.

    Actually it had happened in Malaysia. A whole lot of us munged it up by not being able to get out of our own prejudices and writing it off as an internal uprising among the Malays.

    If we had stood together as Malaysians then, we could’ve had a chance in changing things. Now we have to start all over again.

    Such a typical case of 自己那苦來受 (read that in Cantonese) and then rationalising our collective munge up.

  6. Sivin says:
    6 October, 2007 at 9:09 am

    CK – sounds like we are tempted often to “skip the issues” by either internally rationalizing ourselves or externally moving away to a different environment. And yet, I think in a deep way we are still not facing our own hearts. I suppose that’s a good place to start. Facing ourselves with utter honesty.

    Christine – you are correct in your observation. I think most of us have historic amnesia and forget that what we have today costs people who have gone before us. So often, what we see is the mere present or immediate future and lose sight of a long term perspective. Perhaps if all of us would start thinking a little more from the future back and reorder even small steps for change, we’d see our role clearer. Of course, for many they may drsire to do something but don’t know where to start. Fear not, there’s guidance. I don’t mind pointing people to where they can get it. Malaysia awaits your return.

    Paul Long – Dan is a great guy. His gift is to put the pieces together in an artistic and accessible for, We tend to lose ourselves in academic thinking and can’t get out back into the world. I’ve noticed the temptation to keep talking about the issues or even people, then talking to or with the people … a subtle distinction.

    Blogpastor – how do you view the situation for Singapore? what changes would Singaporeans need to see for their own country?

    Bob K – that’s some food for thought.

  7. Blogpastor says:
    7 October, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    Thanks for asking about Singapore. I feel like a long forgotten small brother of adek Malaysia. Though we can be thankful for stability, less corruption and general meritocracy, we are chronic complainers, even in politics. Most of the people I talk to feels the Emperor has to leave the scene before seismic shifts can take place in people’s minds and the political scene. We wait with hope, and trust it is not misplaced.

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