Random Thoughts while Ewan is napping!

Ewan Socks

This fatherhood adventure is going to be long term. The third round is a little different in the sense we’ve had some experience with Gareth (which was total panic at times) and Elysia (Girls are different huh?). But Ewan is unique in his own way as each person is special.

We prefer life to be neat and tidy.  Wouldn’t it be better if everything was under our control? Perhaps a more clean sterilized environment so there won’t be any risk involved?  Avoiding to get our hands dirty, right?

When I was in the labor room, I could help after the birth of Ewan to think about how messy each birth is.  And yet, new life emerges out of such circumstances. The cleaning up comes later. There’s no way to run away from intensity. Peace comes after the storm.  Joy after the pain.

Sleep?  What sleep? Self? what self?  Two events mark the dying of self.  The wedding which is the doorway to marriage life.  And for new births the special bonus is the losing of sleep.  Both forces one to think beyond one self.  It’s hard in our day, because the individual is the “institution” everything and everyone else revolves around him or her now.  But marriage and children challenges that.  So, now I have 4 challengers – with Ewan as the new contender for attention.

This 2 month “confinement” (or nourishment) period which was meant for May Chin does me some good too.  Yes, I enjoy some of the food as well.  But it forces a change in rhythm of life and priorities.  This disturbs the norm for a while and takes time to adjust.  But in this 3rd round, I’m more used to it.

Nice to see mummy and baby asleep.  It’s a beautiful sight.

Garth and  Elysia have been very excited with the arrival of Ewan.  They want to do all they can to help.  Sometimes too much. Interesting how the arrival of the young one speeds up their own maturing process. Elysia becomes very protective while Gareth even more inquisitive and shows much concern.  The “space” to love someone else has been opened up!

In a phone conversation, I talked about looking into the private personal aspects of life.  With so much going on, there’s more emphasis on what’s happening in the public.  But, I find it hard to really deal with the public concerns if one’s own house is not in order.  And deeper, when one’s heart is restless I wonder how far can we go in changing what’s on the outside.

For starters, we break down the personal/public divide.  Then exorcise dualistic thinking … but the temptation is to dwell in the realm of ideological change at the expense of those closest to us.  We reach out to the “other” who may be of a different religion, or political persuasion, or racial identity … and yet, we never reach out to the “other” who is at home.  That’s a sign of fragmentation …. that’s a sign of another divide.  The question is not which should we emphasize more, the question is who is the “other” before us now?

I’ve been thinking about abstract thinking verses concrete thinking.  And trying to figure out the purpose and nature of both. I’m also wondering what is the relation between them and why some tend towards one more than the other.  Why do some pride academic thinking more than less academic thinking since it’s merely a differences in purpose, process and language?  What’s important is that we are “thinking” right? At least, critically and better creatively.  The problem isn’t the thinking mode, it’s the heart mode.  Arrogance is a killer.  Pride is actually a barrier.

Realized I’ve got lots of books I haven’t reviewed or blogged about yet.  Some really good stuff … Hopefully, I can do some later.  Movies … need to catch up with some.  Enjoying lots of Star Trek though ….

About Sivin Kit

man of one wife, father of four kids
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