Random Thoughts while I’m home alone on a Sunday Night

Lunch was good today. 

First, it was the company that made a difference.  It’s always good to have an "old" friend visiting from afar. Thanks Ian for dropping by and also paying a visit to my father in law, as well as the family.  I confess I do miss the more structured once a month meetings I had with at least two other men.  It’s been a very important ingredient that has kept me sane and relatively out of trouble.

Second, the food was pleasant. This plate is very misleading.  There’s more than meets the eye.  Maybe that’s why it’s pleasantly surprising.  Once you get through the illusion of how little you get, and after digging deeper there’s more.  One is satisfied! 🙂

Third, I was deeply encouraged by some unsolicited feedback on how I may have either consciously or unconsciously contributed to some good in which I was unaware of.  It’s nice to hear "good gossip" about oneself.  So often, we get to hear stuff which hurts us.  But this afternoon,  this information lifted me up most unexpectedly.

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I started this blog post listening to some Christian contemporary worship music.  Now I landed up on the "Acoustic Alternative" channel.  Strange how the unfamiliarity of the music actually makes it easier for me to key all these letters onto the screen. 

Being home alone is fine for now.  I understand the need for part of the family to be with another especially when it’s more about care giving and companionship. I treasure the little time I had with a loved one today.  Aging is never easy.  It’s even more uncomfortable to broach the topic of death and what it all means now and in the future.  I’m thankful that we could talk about this openly tonight.  In a culture whether the topic of "death" maybe a taboo subject,  it’s refreshing to be able to deal with it head on.  The fact is all of us will die … one day.

I’m struck by the total selflessness of a man who has given himself totally to others – and especially for his family and specifically for his children.  This is in contrast with so much that I see today.  From the glitzy ads to the glamorous shows on stage which occupied my attention on the road as well as in my seat lately, listening to one share on how it’s all about everyone else but himself totally reorders one’s perspective. I know the last sentence was long.  But I had to say it in one breath.

What do we want to leave behind before we die? What really occupies our minds when we are willing to face death head on? What do we really value?  What is important to us?  How do we make our exit?  How do we want to be remembered?  Maybe being remembered isn’t the most important thing after all. Lord have mercy.

It was nice to see how an ice cream was enjoyed after these conversations.  The little things matter even after the big picture conversations.

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I’m pretty zonked out after so many FULL days.  But as the Father’s House is coming to the last phase, one’s energy needs to be focused.  Beyond that, there’s a lot of needed relational moments which come into play.  Bangsar Lutheran Church the family and friends which makes up this body is what really makes BLC special.  Saints and sinners alike.  Often sinful, other times saintly.  All the time human.  And in the midst of all that, God is STILL working.  He hasn’t given up on any one of us.

Unfortunately, some have chosen paths in which I may not approve of, others are in a journey quite different from where I am. And yet, all of us either have crossed paths, or walking along the same trajectory.  Prayerfully, we grow and mature in the processes.

There have been some hard decisions and choices I have to make.  Sometimes, the detailed reasoning isn’t for public consumption even when I’m already a very transparent person.  We might be misunderstood.  We might disappoint others who expected something else.  But such is life, we can’t please everyone.  I say this not as an excuse to be insensitive, but more as a statement of reality. We are limited and we need to make a call.  The call might be unpleasant. But such is the life of a leader.

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Looks like I’m a little more warmed up.  At least, in the genre of blogging.  Articles are now lined up for me to do.  I can leave that for tomorrow. God some help will be nice.  Thank.

For now, a dose of gratitude to end the evening.

Terima Kasih!

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About Sivin Kit

man of one wife, father of four kids
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