Seeing the green emerge out of the rubble gives me hope. I think that’s the way God works. Life is often mostly experienced as rubble, stumble and tearing down. So, when there’s new life reemerging it breathes new energy to what might appear as a hopeless situation.
Life is slowly returning to normal (if there is ever such a thing). The process of grief can never be quick and hurried. Underneath the surface of our busy lives, there are always moments of quietness when the stirrings of the soul emerges. And we don’t have to be afraid of that. Because it’s not destructive, on the contrary, it’s reconstructive. Or organically necessary to let new life come forth after the rubble.
The last couple of days, somehow I have been waking up almost at the same time just before the sunrise. There’s something spiritually invigorating the be "present" as the day gradually brightens up, There is a "resurrection" quality about it. I suppose after the intense two weeks, God knows how much "resurrection" power I need for this powerless soul.
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During the dinner conversation last night, I was alerted to the fact that exactly one week ago, we were surrounding my late father in law at the hospital saying our goodbyes.
At many different moments, his memory came to mind.
At the KLCC park yesterday morning, I thought about how he would have enjoyed playing with his grandchildren as they ran around the playground. He would be one who’d be holding Ewan’s hand walking through the grass.
At the buffet after that, I couldn’t help but imagine what he would say. Stuff like how good the food would have been. I could almost "see" him going for at least a few helpings of ice-cream. He would have also made sure the kids had their share.
When I made a wrong turn last night before we reached a relative’s house, I recalled the last time when we were in the car together, I made the same mistake. On the way back, I remembered it was the same road we returned home.
While everything seems to be returning back to normal, the fact is we will miss him.
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The Father’s House (or some might call it "Rumah Papa" now) has turned out pretty good. I’m very thankful that before I head off to Norway, I have the chance to see this project through. Sure, I won’t enjoy fully the benefits of the premises (then again with UniFi who knows?), but it’s a joy to be able to be part of a project which is focused on passing it on to others. The whole orientation changes, and it becomes less about me more about the community and about the future.
I’ve grown in my relationship with some of the workers, and even though strictly I was told one must have a certain distance. But then again, these are the ones who have worked behind the scenes. Yes, they get their wages, but I believe in some way, they joined in God’s co-creative process in rejuvenating the Father’s House. The sense of accomplishment is shared by all of us from the drawing stage to the laying of the last stepping stone.
Little things will be added here and there in the coming weeks. Touch ups are inevitable. But that’s life. 🙂
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