Sivin Kit’s Garden

FROM OUR BLINDNESS that cannot see the pain in others’ lives, from our fears that distance us from others, from our indifference that cannot relate to others’ suffering, deliver us, O God. Amen.

- Richard Morgan
Settling In: My First Year in a Retirement Community

(via Upper Room Daily Reflections)

It’s such a liberating experience when suddenly we see things in a new light. Even more so when we may have been isolated from the realities around us. And yet, it’s also ironic that it can be overwhelming as well. We may not “have the stomach” for the irrational afflictions we see in others who are in pain. Our hearts maybe too disturbed at least for a moment when our comfort zones and comfort levels are bombarded by suffering. so, while I do pray deliver us, O God from blindness, fears and indifference, I also pray direct us, God - towards fresh perspective, long term courage, and passion with wisdom.

The problem with many of us is when we THINK we sees things as they really are when it’s really not what it is. Our vision and perspectives are easily clouded by baggage from the past, prejudice of the present and fears for the future.  And of course, the good old way of saying this is … we are sinful creatures and our minds and hearts are corrupted or easily corruptible. We may think we SEE but maybe we are BLIND to many things God is showing us.  Apostle Paul when he was Saul is a good example, and who can forget Jesus long-winded dispute with the religious leaders in John Chapter 9 on the healing of the man born blind.  It wasn’t merely about a miracle it was about what was the meaning the miracle was pointing to.

We are afraid of darkness, and surely think it’s tragic to be blind. But today, the good news is God is present even in the midst of the valleys of pitch darkness .. perhaps being the ONLY light we can cling on too … and the bonus would even be the warmth of his presence. The first step to see again, is to admit our blind spots .. the second, is to open ourselves for his touch that the scales from our eyes will fall away.. and we can see again.

* * *

It’s a challenge to pray together as a family in our hurried world.  In fact, for some of us, it may even be a challenge to eat together regularly.  But the old saying, "a family who prays together stays together" cannot be ignored. The alternative of all of us dragged into our own fragmented existence is not very promising for the present or the future. This question of "What memories of God am I creating for the ones I love?" is worth spending time on.  And it’s worth our effort to spend time in answering the question with practical steps immediately after reading this.  I think the "praying together" bit is one thing to work hard towards even more for those of us who are struggling, but there are little beginnings we can start.  And for me, after I shut down the notebook it’s when we’re on the way to school … Elysia and me those 15-20minutes on the road is a time to turn an ordinary car into an extraordinary sanctuary …

* * *

We have so many ideas of who a leader is? what they should be? how they should behave?  We have lists whether written or unwritten on how do we determine their success or failure (which reads whether they have failed us or not)? We want them to be strong and yet we want them to be personal.  We hope they will be competent and require character. We can go on and on …

And then suddenly, we find ourselves in leadership.  The questions get redirected at ourselves.  I’m not limiting myself to church leadership here, but even beyond the church - whether in the office or on the streets! When we are in some "position" or "responsibility" then we begin to realize the inner ramblings and musings of a leader.  We also become aware of the fears and challenges it involves.  The demands and the hard decisions which needs to be made.

That’s why in my limited hitting my head to the wall experience, the consistent need for outer help to face the inner battles is crucial.  It comes in the form of trusted people who offer genuine support in prayer and encouragement - note the word EN-Courage … - these are people who are instruments of both comfort and courage. They serve as signs of God’s grace upon our endeavors as leaders in our respective sphere. But at the end of the day, especially when no one is looking, it’s not a cliche when we mean it that God is our ultimate source of strength and courage. Not the God of our ideas and rationalizations or experiences, But the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob … Moses … Joshua … David … Isaiah .. Jeremiah … Daniel … Nehemiah … Jesus … Paul … Polycarp …Alopen … Luther … Bonhoeffer … etc.

* * *

These harmonics vibrated from April 21-24, 2008

"My faith is something like my radio: God is always sending me messages, but I’m not always in the right place to receive what God is sending. Sometimes my mind and heart aren’t tuned well enough to hear what God is sending, and I need to follow Jesus’ example."

I believe many of us can relate to what is highlighted above. Wouldn’t it me better if we were more "in tune" with what messages are sent our way?  But merely saying our that desire is a step, what is needed is the decision to create "space" and be at "places" both internally amidst the inner chaos of our daily pilgrimage, and externally facing struggles and even attacks from all ends. For me, while I can talk about what happens inside and outside separately, in reality, it’s much more closely related. Interestingly, the way in towards getting the heart in tune begins from the outside.  The plain simple taking a shower, sitting down, slowing down my breathing to pray and center myself, pick up the pen and open my journal to begin writing … nothing fancy but the results are fantastic (like writing this reflection).  When I get ready for a small group meeting with fellow pilgrims, getting the kids ready for Sunday worship, making sure Elysia wears her shoes the right way, carrying Ewan into the car seat … the list goes on.  Very earthy external stuff … but it’s the way in. Like putting the radio in the right place to get the best reception … nothing fancy but the results are fulfilling … when we manage to hear what God is saying, how can we not be change?

* * *

I was in a conversation with a friend in transit from Penang to Australia, and she brought out an personal insight.  She described how when she was back in her home city and often because there’’s so many homeless people on the street that she felt dumb to the reality.  Perhaps, she suggested, we have a kind of defense mechanism which allows us to move on with our own life without allowing these needs to paralyze us.
But then during her time in Penang, she shared how in a trip to give some food supplies to the Burmese refugees, the whole experience shocked her to the core.  Suddenly, while one is in a totally foreign context away from home, the suffering of others hit home harder than when she was home. Perhaps, she wasn’t that cold after all.

And I suppose each of us will have our won story to tell.  And what’s important is not to keep on beating ourselves up, or being preoccupied with the failure of others.  Both exercises is a sure energy draining program.   What is needed is that (1) Being open to what is right before our eyes and near to our ears. (2) Go to places where we can open our eyes and open our ears, (3) No matter what we feel whether cold or warm, we ask … What’s next?  What baby step I can take? (4) Talk with someone, and ask them to join you or keep you accountable.

Usually, by simply stepping out of our comfort zones into the unknown brings unexpected the joy and fulfillment of not only doing what is right, kind, and unassuming … but feeling alive in the best sense of the word!

* * *

These harmonics vibrated from April 17-18, 2008

WHEN WE ADMIT our weaknesses …, we discover one of the greatest secrets of the spiritual journey — that in our weakness lies our strength. This is one of the most powerful spiritual truths that we will ever discover. Rather than rejecting us because of our weaknesses, it opens the door for God to come alongside us and help us overcome what had previously defeated us. God’s strength can lead us beyond our weakness and enable us to grow spiritually strong.

- Trevor Hudson
One Day at a Time: Discovering the Freedom of 12-Step Spirituality

(via Upper Room Daily Reflections)

I remember hearing something similar from my senior in seminary during my first year Words of wisdom which has been ingrained in me for a long time. There’s always a lot of talk about how to deal with our weakness (usually meaning how to overcome it) or focus on our strengths. But before we even head towards that, I think we need to take a step back and have a fresh look at what is really going on here. How is God knocking on our doors especially in times of weakness as well as when our weaknesses become more visible under pressure or failure?

It’s tempting to slip into some self-bashing mode which is never helpful.  Then another reaction is damaging when we turn on the magnifying glasses looking for someone to blame.  I guess either way, we see that we need to be responsible as well as acknowledge the responsibility of others.  But what we really need beyond getting trapped and immobilized from "growing as a person" or "moving on in life" is a redemptive mode of existence and living.  Redemptive …. I like that word .. I love what it signifies … and the action in which it points to.

GOOD SHEPHERD,
lead me to green grass
and still water,
feed me in the midst
of horrible experiences,
and bring me home
at the end of the day.
Amen.

- Alive Now

(via Upper Room Daily Reflections)

I showed the video as a closing for last week’s message.  I love the phrase, "rearrange the contents of my heart". I believe the Good Shepherd’s leadership results in that over and over again. The contents of our hearts are pulled from all directions with multiple demands, some willingly, many beyond our control, and it’s precisely in these circumstances we can get lost so easily.  A deep yearning for home never fully dies off as long as we are breathing …. and then we hear a voice calling our name …

* * *

Before we had kids, May Chin and I had one memorable trip to Seoul during the Chinese New Year. I can’t remember whether it was because we wanted to avoid giving Ang Pows after the first year of marriage or we found a good cheaper tour package.  Either way we achieved both. One of the most unforgettable visits was at  war memorial.  What struck me was one sculpture where two soldiers from the opposing sides of North and South Korea embraced. The guide explained to us that this was a picture of two brothers who were separated and now meeting each other during the war. In a way, it also showed the hope of the Koreans that one day the who "nations" can be reconciled.

Today, in a our world where so many external factors pull us apart rather than draw us together … and the list goes on in what can be used to cause that .. with Race and Religion as topping the list. Internal factors are equally strong with pride and prejudice the other end.  Reconciliation … seems like a distant goal.  In fact, even learning to respect one another especially those who differ from us, or oppose us is an initial challenge which needs overcoming. And yet, the road of reconciliation (as well as the pathway of respect) is one we must take, and must invite others along as well. The Resurrected Christ empowers us .. with his good news of reconciliation, with his model of engaging in it, and his ongoing presence so we can be started as well as persevere … along this "long road of freedom".

* * *

When I was a child, as far as I can remember … my mother sang John 3:16 in Mandarin to help me sleep for many nights. My mom didn’t finish her primary school education, she is not the most "intellectually erudite" person I know, but she is one who is wise and mature, able to listen and discern.  There were low moments in her life - even in her faith journey … our family got disconnected with all things God, Christ and the Church for a substantial amount of years when we were in UK. But there were still some bits and pieces of Christ which was still embedded in the songs she sang me to sleep, or the way she lived and thought, and brought us up.  Even when were were far from God as a family,we were somehow still connected even weakly. Of course, when the time came, she returned to the Church, and there’s more to fill in the details of our ongoing story.  Anyway, as far as I can remember … my mom was the first who offered me Christ - through a song.

* * *

A wiser friend once told the other two younger men in the group of three important words .. "Not there yet".  And he was not using it as an excuse for himself, but more towards others who don’t live up to his expectations or even worse disappointed him in some ways.  And we all can concur we have more than a few people that might come to our minds.  But, when our own skeleton starts popping their heads every once and a while from the cupboards of our past, we are often doubtful whether there are ways out in our own lives .. so, while as an excuse, "Not there yet" is not too helpful, but as a prayer of submission towards God’s ongoing work in us, I think it is valid , in fact much needed.  He is not finished with us yet … so the good news is we are all in the boat of "work in progress" … a work of restoration and renewal.

* * *

It’s not easy to start opening a door to hospitality these days (or keeping it open). The tendency is to keep the door shut and have more "personal" time.  This is understandable because for many of us the demands on us at work and at home can be overwhelming.  This is coupled with our own indiscipline in many ways especially when we just go with the flow of the immediate more than the important. Some of us are need some time of re-centering whether through solitude or corporate worship. And yet in the midst of all this, we forget the door to hospitality when it’s open to surprising gracious interruptions or with no strings attached, wonders are waiting for us.  The question is a good on … "Where can you open a door of hospitality for someone in need?" … notice it’s not "When" but "where" because the timing can be now, once I ask where I begin to be "open" and keep an eye to act .. and it’s in the midst of acting and risking even a small way that I too can enter the mutual joys of hospitality.

* * *

Immediately, pictures and sounds of Gareth asking me to re-fix his Spiderman Lego aircraft comes to mind, or Elysia asking me for help to get the paper for her drawing, or Ewan who simply wants to be carried up so he can have a better view of his surroundings. Everyday, at the best moments, these are signs pointing to the importance of trust is relationships.  Sure, there are low points as well where these little cries would seem more like interruptions.  So, this is a life-long learning process as far as parenting is concerned. 

But we are NOT talking about parenting now, we are talking about events like these as signs to God’s secure love in which we can place our undivided trust in. Connecting also with the famous words of Jesus, this simple trust and the willingness to be vulnerable and ask for help is applauded. In a world where only the strong, the powerful and the untouchables are lifted up on pedestals … this message to us on simple trust and about God who is trustworthy and whom we can turn to as our refuge is so so NEEDED. It’s out of the rest I find in His Refuge, that frees me to walk the streets of chaos with steadiness

* * *

These harmonics vibrated from April 8-12, 2008

(Note: I decided to not use italics for the text. I think it’s harder to read.  So back to what’s normal for the eyes then:-) )

In our wishes, small urgings, dreams and fantasies, we are given intimations of the way we are to go. It is our way alone and cannot be learned by reading books or listening to scholars or following others. We can learn our way only by taking seriously the sign that we see and the small voice that we hear. These we must treasure up in our hearts and ponder over. The code we are to decipher is written into our genes and sent out to us, as it were, from the core of our beings.

- Elizabeth O’Connor, The Eighth Day of Creation

(via inward/outward)

May Chin and I were talking about who is more introvert or extrovert in the family, with special reference to the kids. Gareth will be happy reading books on his own, while Elysia will say bye to everyone when she leaves school - I mean she will go to other class rooms to say bye! And Ewan with his charming smile and inquisitive look - and a special alertness to the camera

Okay .. it’s premature to talk about specific careers or life partner choices … but there are interesting signs of the direction they are heading and the seeds of personality which will grow and blossom someday.  I am curious of what God is doing in them.  And as parents there are times when May Chin and I worry whether we are getting in the away, or concerned about how best we can best nurture them the best that we can.  Of course, as a former youth pastor and frequent listener to parents of teenagers, I wonder how we will fair when that eventful day of "terror" comes … but I think we are getting ahead of ourselves here.  One day at a time, step by step …  for our "younglings" as well as for ourselves too …

it’s serious business - the sign reading, and small voice listening process.  But we mustn’t stifle ourselves and especially our kids with overzealous parenting, or overanxious nurturing.  How do we find the balance towards holistic maturing for them as well as ourselves?  I don’t really have a formula or fool-proof equation.  There’s loads of experimentation but underneath all that is a simply an attentiveness birthed from a growing confidence in our faith in the Father who loves us, and the guidance from reflecting on scriptural wisdom, and trust in the word of the Spirit who works more than mysteriously … but meaningfully especially in hindsight. Whether it’s for the children God has entrusted us with (which is a big responsibility), or our own selves (where we can not evade responsibility)!

“YOU ARE PETER, AND ON THIS ROCK I will build my church,” said Jesus to Simon Peter (Matt. 16:18). I had always envisioned this as the rock-strengthened church standing firm against all the onslaughts and batterings of hell’s forces. “Not so,” a scientist who was also a lay minister once told me, “I see that rock of the church not standing still, waiting to be attacked, but thrown by God, flying through the air, crashing into the gates of evil to release those trapped there.” What an insight!

- Flora Slosson Wuellner
Forgiveness, the Passionate Journey

(via On This Rock)

I love this twist in the metaphor. Most of the time the "rock" image is stagnant at worst and focused on stability at best. But the picture a church flying through the air is captivating, and then crash liberating trapped people … wow!

Of course, the experience on the ground as far as church is concerned is not always "high flying".  So often, we might feel so stuck in the mud that we wonder when are we getting out of this mess. Just when we think we are taking fresh steps forward, we step on "undesirable variables".  In the midst of this mud stuck and misstep reality, our imagination and vision of who we are needs constant input.  So this "flying rock" image is a fresh ignition at least for me … I’m sure the crashing experience will be unpleasant and not without some level of pain … but then after see trapped people released, it’s worth it.  That "end" served and still serves as the "beginning" (and "restarts") of me signing up for the ride.

* * *

“… we can avoid many problems by following God’s laws; but we can’t control everything. God, however, always has a plan for our lives. This plan is meant to bless us and give us hope for the future. Whenever doubt threatens to cloud God’s promises, we can know that, no matter the circumstance, we are always in God’s care.”

That’s true, we can avoid many heartaches, and for some of us the wise counsel of trusted friends and mentors, as well as discernment gleaned from saturating ourselves in the Scriptures, have helped us save more than one unnecessary hit on the wall. But reality also tells us, we are not in control of every detail in life’s journey, the variables are endless, and the twists and turns are beyond any plot in a novel or movie. So with all this “change” evident in the various “contexts” in our experiences,. we look for what is “constant” .. and by centering on what is “constant” we are able to move forward with confidence.

I started to clear my table in my study again after a while. The clutter was returning … and I needed to even work on the environment in which I study, think, pray and have solitude .. so that it facilitates my encounter with myself for re-centering, and God who provides stability in the midst of uncertainties, change, and new directions. I’ve grown to understand that this process of aligning my posture to God is not going to happen by sheer will power, sloganeering to self, or multiple shame and guilt trips. It’s pretty much more basic than that. It’s having “constant” practices and environments where I can regroup my scattered mind, defragment inner emotions, and simple “be still and know that HE is God.”

* * *

There have been many important “shifts” in my life. Shifts which deepen concerns of significance, and also heighten what was neglected. Having children and especially parenting is one of those shifts well in my case three shifts and still very much work in progress. When I was carrying other people’s kids, it was cure and fun. But then when it was my own, the cute and fun bit is still there but the frustrating and yet fulfilling hard work of raising and protecting them is much more visible. And this is not just about our “own” kids, it’s about ALL the children in touch with us. Having the children added in our midst the past 8 years of BLC’s rebirth has that same deepening and heightening effect too… and yes, it’s fun … as well as both frightening and fulfilling! BTW, we need more men in children’s ministry …

* * *

A few friends pointed me to Datin Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail’s interview in the Star Paper last week, “Grace Under Fire” . One thing that came through it what she chose NOT to do especially in relation to Dr. Chandra Muzaffar whom many of us knew launched personal attacks on her husband before the recent elections. From a rebuttal point of view, this interview would have been a great chance to not just defend her husband and herself, but also to do a few swipes herself on Chandra. But what we read is this (with a start on Sharizat who was the opposing candidate for her daughter Nurul Izzah in Lembah Pantai)…

“She calls Shahrizat a “very nice and friendly” person, and refuses to criticise (former PKN deputy president) Dr Chandra Muzaffar, despite his very damaging comments – among others, that it would be “an unmitigated disaster for Malaysia” should Anwar become Prime Minister – just before the elections.

“I don’t know why he said all that. But I appreciate what he did when Anwar was arrested, and his contributions in forming the party, times were difficult for us then.”

I caught a glimpse of grace here. A spark of Graciousness so often missing in the political arena, and even in our own personal interactions too. Fellow Christ-followers, shall we really rise to the occasions when we need to? It’s hard, but then it will be harder for all of us if even we don’t offer “gentle answers” to turn away “wrath”. We need more sparks … we need to build a fire of responses which will warm cold hearts, and cool down hot heads!

* * *

These harmonics vibrated from April 2- 4, 2008

The phrase "it’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness" is a very slight alteration on the less common Chinese proverb "’Don’t curse the darkness - light a candle." The advice given is "if something is wrong, do something about it rather than complain. - Everything2

You can start now by lighting a candle and say a prayer here!

This "better" way keeps me away from the "bitter" way.