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Random Thoughts on ‘Learning to Learn Again’ 1: Progress Descriptors & ‘Independence’

Sivin Kit — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 21:48:56 +0000

I haven’t been much of a blogger in the year 2011. I have mostly populated this ‘garden’ with my Project 365 photos. Even for that, I have slacked in the past month. So, every time I return, it’s like jumpstarting the engine again (and again).

But, frankly, I’m not guilty at all. It’s simply where I am at this stage of life. No doubt, Facebook and Twitter have taken some attention away, but it’s more that I was on a big ‘learning curve’ to learn how to learn again.

A highlight for me tonight was to sit down and have a dialogue with Elysia and Gareth on their progress at school. The basis for our discussion was a five page progress report with 1 page self-report from both of them (with some color and pictures of course).

Walking with them through the process made me think about my own progress as a ‘learner’. I’ve always seen myself as a ‘life-long learner’ but it’s an interesting experience to pause and revisit this simple and yet profound notion of ‘learning’. This is significant especially when to me and I suppose many of us, we see ‘learning’ more than just stuffing the head with loads of information, but rather a way of discovery and even creativity.

* * *

The four ways of describing one’s progress caught my attention: Emerging, Developing, Proficient and Independent. The linear movement is clear, the goal obviously is to be ‘independent’ in a particular area. For me, there was this urge to add a fifth column, and also the idea of a kind of spiral where we return again and again in a given area.

The fifth column or way I’d add would be ‘interdependence’. This is because I see after the freedom and excitement of ‘independence’, one finds that in actual fact, we are still ‘dependent’ in a different way then the way we understood our ‘emergence’ before. The ‘independence’ ironically should help us at least recognize and appreciate how we are not isolated in this journey of learning.

For example, even when I’ve gained some confidence in a particular theory, and method regarding subject X, and now I may have something to say, I’m still dependent on the works of those before me, and the work that is still going on. It sounds so like obvious doesn’t it? But then, it’s nice to return to the obvious. Keeps us humble.

Furthermore, the value of independence becomes even more valuable when it leads to the ability to collaborate, to engage in conversation critically with other independent learners, and then creative possibilities emerge, and then develop, and then now two become proficient as collaborators and a new kind of independence is achieved. The ‘Learning spiral’ continues when the ‘two’ multiples this process with another two or three or more.

* * *

I found myself using different ‘descriptors’ for different areas of my learning thus far. Perhaps in the area of seeing connections and the big picture, I could use ‘proficient’ or even ‘independent’. But for the area of detail and nitty gritty it’s more of ‘developing’ towards ‘proficiency’.

When it comes to being open and flexible, I’m pretty ‘independent’ and even able to be ‘interdependent’ and have a capacity to work well with others. At least, in most situations . But when it comes to focus and keeping my attention on one thing, one concept, and one theory, it’s been a greater effort to works towards greater proficiency.

So, a more meta-view would even mean, I’m growing in my own ‘independence’ is seeing how to describe my own progress using the language of these descriptors. And in conversation with my advisors, and fellow PhD colleagues, a certain ‘interdependence’ is acquired as well.

now the focus of the progress report for my children are more ‘individual focused’ and that was the purpose of the assessment for them. I’m merely extending what started individually but with a communal tone without losing individuality.

I think it’s possible. And it’s a good idea to be conscious about it.

‘Independence’ is a great value, and especially in the environment I’ve grown up in like Malaysia, we do not have sufficient push towards more critical thinking. There are times that we are trained well and are skillful in many areas, but lack independence in our thinking. This doesn’t mean we are incapable of it, but perhaps on one hand we have not emerged from our dependence on ‘authority’ figures whether from home through to education and even politics. On the other hand, it’s some how not allowed to blossom because of our own lack of confidence, lack of the language to enable us to let our thoughts grow.

I wonder whether it might actually be more about our ‘imagination’ being stifled by numerous factors, that has caused us to fear imagining ‘independence’ at all. ”You mean, that idea is actually valuable?”, we might think. Too often, it’s less about self-censorship, but more about self-silencing even before a seed thought could ‘emerge’ and ”develop’ into something we can be ‘proficient’ about. We’re not even talking about ‘independence’ yet, and ‘interdependence’ seems too far away?

But deep down, at least when it comes to learning, we want to take steps forward. We want to be ‘independent’. It’s important to us. The ‘descriptors’ give us some vocabulary to talk about it. In the case of my kids, two words emerged, ‘thinking’ and ‘confidence’. Now we have something to work with, now we can imagine a little bit more. ’Dream a bit’ – whether in the night, or even in broad daylight.

* * *

Other words are embedded in these four (and in my version five) descriptors: support from others, understanding and application within one’s learning, and then understanding and applying to other areas of learning. My addition is merely that ‘we are not alone’ in all this, why should we? And even when I’m sitting alone in reading a book, or thinking, am I really doing all this independently?

In the last 8 months, even when I was in solitude, there are some ‘saints’ helping me along with their words,, their language, their theories, their concepts, their methods, you name it, it was ‘hauntingly’ fun! Boo! I needed all the help I could get. Even help from watching how my children ‘learn’, because at heart I’m still a kid, ‘learning to learn again’.

More in another post. I put (1) in the blog post title, that’s supposed to nudge me to have another blog post (2).

* * *

Random Thoughts after a ‘long’ absence

Sivin Kit — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:34:34 +0000

It’s been quite a while since I keyed in any texts on this blog. The reasons or excuses are legion.

I have been traveling a lot this year. First, it was to and fro Malaysia and Norway to orientate myself, and settle in the family. Then there was the courses at Lesbos Island, Greece and Uppsala, Sweden. The last round was San Francisco and Denver, USA with long flights are quite a few transits via Stavanger, London, Frankfurt, Oslo then back home. So, all this demands energy.

There’s been so much to soak in. On top of the PhD program, the whole ‘apprenticeship’ of making this initial ‘academic cabinet” and learning the rules and language of academia has been a learning curve. There are moments when I think I get it a little better, there are other times I’m as blur as ever

Two little episodes was encouraging at the American Academy of Religion (AAR) Meeting. Both were with senior professors over coffee. What I appreciated was the reconfiguration of what this ‘apprenticeship’ means for my own journey, and how I need to keep the focus on what is before me. After coming back from this long trip, there’s still so much I haven’t processed yet. It’s pretty overwhelming, but rewarding nonetheless.

I recall how one of them strongly agreed my own ‘another project’ file where the loads of interesting ideas can be parked there for future work. My mind is often on overdrive while reading, so it’s easy to get distracted and lose focus. One of the key aspects of this apprenticeship is focus and getting the work done. It’s about discipline more than brilliance. There’s a time for everything, I suppose. There would be moments of enlightenment but the hard work of research, tracking details, and reigning in my wild thoughts is part of the whole journey.

Indeed, before I can run, I’m still taking baby steps, walking in small spurts with occasionally dashes!

* * *

The life outside of the PhD journey is equally intense. Time is speeding by in lightening speed as the children go to school, participate in some church activities, and we have some time to ourselves.

Advent is a good season, as it’s like the Lent where the four weeks build up to a climax. It provides a way of reorienting one’s life. I was a little surprised to see Advent candles lit in the Institute coffee area this week. The kids are also plugged into the season with reading material and chocolates! One per day!

Snow hasn’t come. Gareth was hoping to have some for the school ‘Winter Walk’ later in the evening. Looks like, we’ll have a cold and wet evening instead. I heard from my Norwegian friends that last year it was already snowing this time. It’s windy and wet now, so the weather is unpredictable indeed.

We’re getting ready for Anja’s baptism this Sunday, so it’s a little milestone for Anja and the whole family. The briefing yesterday was a good introduction deeper into Christianity in Norway through the lens of a local congregation and the State church overall. What I appreciated is the fact that, the Church is adapting to the changing culture and demands placed upon her. On a personal note, my mind was led to think about the different life stages Anja will walk through, and what is our role as parents and the supportive role faith communities play in her adventures.

Baptism on one hand highlights Anja’s welcome as a ‘child of God’, on the other, somehow I was also thinking about her as a ‘citizen of the kingdom of God’. This first image clearly more familial, the second political. These two metaphors conveys a whole series of concepts and dimensions which will be unpacked in days to come. The nurturing aspect is foundational no doubt, but the wider ‘political’ dimension is one perhaps not so comfortable for many, and yet it’s part and parcel of daily life more often than we think it is.

When we were getting our ‘personal number’ to settle into life in Norway, the nurturing aspect that related to the wider society we live in was only really possible when the ‘initiation’ was completed.

of course life has many other spheres, and now with everyone awake. It’s the beginning of breakfast time, and a pause on the return of my blogging

Why write?

Sivin Kit — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 17:58:36 +0000

Why do we write? Below are some answers in paraphrase or direct quotation, some with a mix of both:

“. . . to facilitate the enslavement of other human beings. . . .” or to exercise control over them ~ Claude Levi-Strauss

‘Conscientization’ of the oppressed, or liberation from ‘enslavement’ ~ Paulo Freire

Writing is a speech-dependent medium whose sole purpose is to inscribe spoken discourse ~ Ferdinand de Saussure

Writing as a mode of discourse “parallel and comparable to speech” whose purpose is hermeneutical, or directed toward “understanding at and through distance.” ~ Paul Ricoeur

I remember a nice line from the movie “Shadowlands” that said, “I read so I won’t feel alone”. So that’s perhaps why I read a lot, because I enjoy the company of both the living and the dead. But, why do I write?

In my post “On Writing Well”, I realized that I should have reworked my categories. From communicator-writer-blogger to speaker-writer-blogger and communicator should have been the more general category. I preferred to speak more than write, and blogging somehow initiated me more into a kind of writing. But as someone reminded me, writing (and blogging) is communicating, So, why do I write, is not too different from why do I speak, I do both in order to communicate.

But, in recent times, I’m learning more each day that I write because I want to clarify my soul-filled-disembodied thoughts often random, scattered and fragmented. When I write them down by hand, as I still do on and off in my journal, or as I’m doing now through this lovely wire-less keyboard, the thoughts get embodied into words that I can see and not just feel intuitively. The whole process is communicating with myself (and some of you eavesdropping), and in the process clarifying what I intend to communicate, or what I’m simply pondering in my head.

If I had to vote, I cast mine to Ricouer’s notion of ‘writing’ first towards myself, and then what I hope to achieve with others. The link of writing and speech resonated with me tremendously. The implied notions of time and space captured in the word ‘distance’ is also something I wish to overcome, or at least build a bridge to enable us to walk back and forth towards ‘understanding’. Friere’s notion of ‘conscientization’ built into his rationale for writing comes to a close second. Somehow, Saussure’s idea focused on ‘inscribing’ spoken discourse is a little too impersonal for me, while Levi-Strauss’s quote above gives me goose-bumps ethically. Of course, their reasons for writing might be more nuanced that these couple of lines are able to represent.

But, then again, Levi-Strauss’s notion of ‘enslavement’ through writing seems to ring true in a way. As I observe again and again how the mass media often is being manipulated by different actors, the ‘what’ and ‘how’ content is communicated can turn out to be a mass ‘propaganda’ tool used to serve the interests of a few. The more I get a grip of the whole science of ‘discourse analysis’ this becomes clearer and clearer. Words are powerful. Writings – from conception right through the conclusions – are influential either to enslave, or to liberate the readers.

So, Why do I write? I write to communicate, and I’ve learnt how writing helps me to clarify and organize my thoughts. And I should add that I write to ‘create’ or engage in a creative process. I’d like to imagine that when I write I am making a link not only with the present, but also with the future. So, it’s a little different from reading which has a clearer link to the past. In a segment during my Norwegian class last week, when we were learning how to name the time, I was in intrigued by the way time was talked about. For example, for twenty past three, in Norwegian it’s ten minutes to half to four. So, I needed quite some adjustments in the way I think in order to grasp the logic of the whole new way of talking.

A random though arose during the class. While in some cases, we refer to the past to name our present, it’s also possible to refer to the future in most of our presents. Perhaps in a way I can’t fully understand, I hope the writings can create possibilities, connections, and serve as a catalyst for change for the better in this world – both virtual and surely the real too!

On Writing Well

Sivin Kit — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 08:37:14 +0000

I never saw myself as a ‘writer’. I tend to see myself as a ‘communicator’ primarily comfortable to communicate verbally and visually. This probably explains my preference for speaking and mind mapping. But perhaps unconsciously and only later intentionally, I found myself a kind of ‘writer’+'communicator’ through being an accidental ‘blogger’. So, I still see myself primarily as a communicator. i.e., one who communicates, enters into conversations, draws from past dialogues in anticipation of future ones, and uses a variety of forms to engage in the process of communication.

My limitations as a writer are many. For example, limited vocabulary, struggle to jump start, scattered thoughts, confused grammar at times (esp. when Chinese and Malay battles for the way I think, which I suspect is still primarily English, or maybe pictures?). My strengths modestly, however, are an open and flexible nature to adapt to the audience, an imaginative mind, a spirit of adventure, an intuitive capacity to connect topics and relations, make cross-cultural and translation inspired comparisons, just to name a few.

So, nowadays, I’m working on my writing skills through very basic steps. The simple use of punctuations was my point of entry to draw myself into sharpening my skills. It was a strange feeling of elation when I rediscovered the beauty of the comma, the semi-colon and colon. Nothing too fancy, basic stuff. I’m also working on the when and where’s to use the active voice or passive voice. And even though my preference is the simple Subject-verb-predicate structure, I do wonder how I can adapt this basic structure so sentences and paragraphs won’t be wooden and mechanical. But, in spite of the continual urge towards creativity, I’m working hard on clarity and plain speech. Why torture the reader? There’s a time for everything I suppose, but working on writing clearly is my way of disciplining my creative side and work towards a kind of ‘clear creativity’ or ‘creative clarity’. Another aspect I’m working on is the value of drafts, and how to sustain the energy for writing. I love reading and thinking. And it’s so tempting for that to turn into a form of intellectual daydreaming. Writing forces me to write for someone, even if that someone is myself, and get those ‘disembodied’ thoughts ‘embodied’ through the incarnational process of writing. Thus, my return to blogging.

In the recent assignment papers I’ve done since starting my PhD in February 2011, I started with a scan of the assigned reading, and reviewed the lectures. In one case, since the expectation of the assignment was spelled out quite clearly, I used the schedule and the topics of the lectures to guide the writing process. Then, I mind-mapped my way on a blank A4 paper. Of course, this assumed I had spent at least a bit of time 5-10 minutes to make sure I knew what was the question and expectations for the assignment. I’m always tempted to add some bonus ideas, but then this must not distract me from what is necessary first. So some effort was needed to park some ideas into another file, and return to the task at hand.

After the mind map, I used it as a basis to write a first draft very much in a free style with an imaginary outline behind my mind. I kept the critical side of my brain in control, and then let the creative juices flow. Then I returned to this first ‘creative’ draft, worked harder on an explicit outline with a critical eye, this resulted in the second draft. Armed with my second draft, I returned to the assignment expectations and readings I needed to draw from as my basis for writing. During this time, I also ventured to read outside the original bibliography that went along with some other ideas present during the process. I did a at least 2-3 more mind maps along the way, to check on the connections and clarity of ideas along the way. The next process was basically editing and rewriting. It came to a point where I felt I could do not more considering the time constraints I had, and I submitted what in my mind is an imperfect product. Room for improvement of course!

I see myself writing in at lease four context: Totally personal as in my own private journals; personal with a public dimension as in this blog, ‘not fully public’ as in my academic writing, intentionally public as in my posts in other blogs such as the Friends in Conversation. In between all of that are Facebook interactions and the occasional tweet on twitter.

Each context has a different characteristic, and right now, I’m more focused on sharpening my academic writing skills. But, I felt it was important to still keep the other contexts in mind. I’m afraid of heights, so ‘ivory tower’ terrifies me! Better stick closer to the ground as much as possible.

Random Thoughts on an early ‘Høst’ morning

Sivin Kit — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 07:27:08 +0000

These random thoughts have not only been ‘random’, but also quite ‘sporadic’ these days, The only consistent postings have been ‘project 365′ photos. So, it’s good to make brief return.

Why so little blogging? Well, maybe because much of my online life is more limited to Facebook interaction, a bit of Google+ minimally, and more importantly there’s loads happening offline. So, it’s only natural that there’ll be less output in this ‘garden’. Yup, I decided to switch make to my original organic title. Since, life is already full of adventure, perhaps the metaphor of ‘garden’ fits into the slow me down mode which is needed for reflection. Less intense.

On speed and intensity, it’s still quite a journey thus far. Did two PhD courses, one big (15ECTS) and one small (5 ECTS) and another small 5ECTS coming. The first in Kristiansand, the second at Lesbos, Greece, and the upcoming one will be at Uppsala, Sweden. So, three courses at three locations is quite a chunk. But, from a course load point of view I think it’s wise to clear as much as possible. To add some icing on top the big chunk of ‘course’ cake I’ve been devouring, I’ll be off to the American Academy of Religion big ‘party’ in San Francisco, USA before the year wraps up. So, pretty full for year one of the PhD program. Very enjoyable so far.

This blog post will also be a mini landmark where I use my new ‘beginners’ typing skills which took me a month to complete one round of lessons. I still fumble a lot but it’s sped up my finger movements on the keyboard for sure. I plan to still go through the lessons another round just to sharpen this new acquired skill. Good bye to four finger typing, hello to using all the fingers!

Some self-reflection is in order here. I noticed this is basically how I learn. I need to have a overview first, and walk though the lessons at least one round in total. Getting the big picture and then zooming is how it works well for me. And yet, the irony is in order to have some grasp of the big picture, I get there by moving through the bite size lessons to get there. About 22 total for this round. So, the big picture and the details though distinguished, cannot be separated. When one is aiming for a big picture feel, she gets there step by step. There can’t be a big jump.

A side track thought intervenes here. ‘Jumps’ are still needed. But it’s mostly, at least for me, I ‘jump first, fear later’ to decide to move from one phase to another. Once I’ve landed somewhere, it’s ‘looking before the next leap’, and the movement forward a little more gradual in small baby steps. One can’t hurry in learning, and wisdom most surely is not in the paradigm of ‘fast food’.

Next, besides basic typing, I’ve also started my evening Norwegian classes. It was a surreal feeling especially for the first class last Tuesday. It was like a scene right from the old British comedy which by today’s standards totally politically incorrect: “Mind Your Language”. So Mr. Brown is replaced by an older Norwegian lady who reminds me of the best teachers I had in school. The students come from Canada, UK, Tanzania, Ethiopia, China, Poland, Italy, Chechnya, and yours truly Malaysia! Mrs. Torv refuses to use the one to one translation approach to teach us. And to be fair, not all of us are primary English speakers, so right from the word ‘Velkommen!”, it’s been mostly in Norwegian unless really needed. I giggle every time she says “demontrasjon!” (I think that’s how it’s spelt), so a lot of what’s going on is like any primary school language class for kids. This includes a long stick she waves over the whiteboard to walk us through the sentences!

I wonder whether this was what was in Wittgenstein’s mind when he was in Norway. This experience really makes me want to revisit his “Philosophical Investigations” where so much attention in on ‘language’. How do we even begin to speak a new language? I’m very conscious how it works for baby Anja now, especially when she’s surrounded with loads of words, sentences, tones, expressions not only in English and Mandarin, but with occasional Norwegian. So, I’m like Anja in many ways but for Norwegian. If I want to extend this analogy further, I feel the same as I start to navigate my self in academic waters.

I’ve made a little detour from my original big picture/small details discussion, and the relation between them which is not that sharp in actual reality. The language discussion should be a bonus!

It’s already a pretty long post for a return. More another day. There’s a limit of how much a picture and photo can convey. Sure, a picture is worth a million words. But, some times we at least minimally need some words, and not a million words, about a thousand might be in order.

First blog post from iPad 2

Sivin Kit — Sun, 29 May 2011 17:41:50 +0000

We’re trying the wordpress app out with a small photo. More later,

The return of Sivin Kit to the world of blogging?

Sivin Kit — Fri, 27 May 2011 07:10:00 +0000

“JOURNAL WRITING invites us into a no-holds-barred, frank conversation with ourselves. Such a conversation not only allows openness but also demands an honesty we might not find with anyone else. The space this creates allows us to speak accurately about our condition.

At times I have found it helpful to accurately identify emotions such as anger, fear, and even animosity. My grandmother used to say, “Half the medication is calling the illness by its name.” However, in my vocation as a pastor, I am not comfortable, nor would many around me feel comfortable, if I admitted having these strong and often dreaded emotions. I therefore more often speak of my anger as disappointment, my fear as concern, and my animosity as discomfort.

In seeking my grandmother’s “half the medicine,” journaling often has provided me with space for honesty in naming.” – Journeying Through the Days 2011

Reading the words above from Honest Journaling made me think about first personal journaling, and secondly my public journaling through blogging. It’s been a packed intense season of transition, from flying a whole family over from Malaysia to Norway, to resettling into the PhD Program at UiA.

In a way the act of writing is the packing and unpacking of not only ideas but also intuitions which we carry with us through the day or years of our daily existence. While one is being initiated to the world of academia, it’s important not to forget our humanness in the ordinariness of earthy words.

I’ll try first to get the blog to catch up on the Project 365 photos and then gradually or interspersed between some offering of feeble texts .

18: My First Pecha Kucha Event

Sivin Kit — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:54:31 +0000

Pecha Kucha Kuala Lumpur – Vol. 11 – Getting Social with Niki Cheong & Friends

Sivin Kit — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 23:29:21 +0000

Niki Cheong tells the story of how this Tuesday’s event got organized. It will be my first attempt, and I’m looking forward to it. I see a few friends lined up as well, surely will meet new ones too. Content and connection, what more could I ask for?

Here’s the detailed information, join us if you can!

Tuesday, January 18 · 8:00pm – 10:30pm

Delucca, The Italian Restaurant, Jalan Mesui, off Jalan Nagasari (opposite No Black Tie), Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Back by popular demand, Pecha Kucha Night (PKN), the global design networking/social event that draws creative talents together is back for its eleventh instalment!

In the first Pecha Kucha of 2011, join host Niki Cheong and the British Council who will present a line up of big names, with even bigger personalities to match as they share their stories and journeys about social media and the way it has revolutionalised the way wecommunicate!

Featuring,
• Niki Cheong – Journalist and social media advocate
Website | http://www.nikicheong.com/
Twitter | @nikicheong

• Daphne Iking –TV host and actress
Website | http://daphneiking.blogspot.com/
Twitter | @daphCLPT

• Tengku Zatashah Idris – Online entrepreneur of exclusive gift collection company Originalo
Website | http://originalo.com.my/
Twitter | @zatashah

• Low Ngai Yuen – Director, producer and head of the newly revived Kakiseni.com team
Website | http://www.kakiseni.com/
Twitter | @ngaiyuen

• Julian Hopkins – PhD candidate at Monash University, Sunway Campus researching the commercialisation of Malaysian blogs
Website | http://julianhopkins.net/
Twitter | @julianhopkins

• James Chong – Independent Internet Strategist Heading Online & Social Media for P1
Website | http://aidsaware.ruumzcauses.com/
Twitter | @warbaby

• Zain HD – Project Manager for RandomAlphabets (the collective behind Glee Flashmob Dance KL, Tali Tenang and Freeze for Unison) and Wago, which does social media PR and alternative events
Website | www.randomalphabets.com
Twitter | @zainhd

• Foong Cheng Leong – Senior Associate at Lee Hishammuddin Allen & Gledhill focusing on Intellectual Property and Information Technology and cyberlaws
Website | www.xes.cx
Twitter | @xescx

• Sivin Kit – Pastor at Bangsar Lutheran Church and social activist
Website | http://sivinkit.net/
Twitter | @sivinkit

• Jonson Chong – Human rights lawyer and former KEADILAN communications director
Website | http://jonsonchong.com/
Twitter | @jonsonchong

——————–———–
More about Pecha Kucha:

Pecha Kucha (pronounced peh-chak-cha) was started in Tokyo, Japan in 2003 by Astrid Klein and Mark Dytham of Klein Dytham Architecture. Presenters give a slideshow of 20 images, each shown for only 20 seconds — giving a total presentation time of 6 minutes 40 seconds.

The brief the presenters are given is no brief! They can talk about any subject of choice, as long as they keep to the time and format. With presenters made up mostly from the creative and design fields, Pecha Kucha Nights are great for networking, only more fun.

Pecha Kucha Nights have grown into a phenomenon in Tokyo where it has mushroomed in over 230 cities all over the world. In Kuala Lumpur, Pecha Kucha Nights are hosted by the British Council and supported by the Multimedia Development Corporation of Malaysia (MDeC). This celebratory volume is housed by Delucca, The Italian Restaurant.

Random Thoughts on the First Night of the First Day of 2011

Sivin Kit — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 15:05:17 +0000

"New beginnings". That seems to be the two key words for me tonight. Having this moment of solitude is precious, even though I’m not preparing a sermon like I would used to do. For once I’m not thinking about the grand message I need to preach tomorrow to chart the year ahead.

Today, officially I am no longer the pastor-in-charge for Bangsar Lutheran Church (BLC). While for at least the month of January I’m still assigned to BLC as part of the transition, it will be an interesting change of identity. I must confess it’s good to learn how to step aside and give space to another to take the lead.

By the time I reach February 2011, I will then slip into the role of a "PhD Student" + "Research Fellow" in Norway and my ordination will take a nap for 3 years. The first time I heard about the idea of one’s ordination "sleeping" was from my good friend Wolfgang. He talked about how in Germany some pastors especially those who enter politics let their ordination sleep because they no longer function as a pastor in the church. This doesn’t mean they "lose" their ordination, it only means that they step into another role until the time is ripe for them to perhaps return to serve as a pastor of a local congregation again.

I prefer the image of a "nap". Since three years is not that long, even if it’s not that short. I like naps. When it works well, I always feel totally energized.

* * *

I’ve also been thinking about how often the 31st of December of each year becomes a hurried "looking back" or review day. The fact is we need more time. So, as we approach our retreat this coming Friday till Sunday. I’m pondering of slowing down further the push to get ahead too quickly.

Maybe it’s better to use the first week to review the past year, and also imagine the coming year a little. Use the 12 days of Christmas as guide is not a bad idea. As Christians we have the 5 January – "Epiphany" – as a good landmark on the timeline.

What does one do? Some scattered mental tools come to mind. For starters, a simple timeline of the highs and lows can do. Then we can return over the timeline again from January till December and mark down some significant events, or important people that we have encountered. And just when we are in a hurry to move on, we slow down again and ask what are the precious insights, reflections or lessons we have gained in all of these. That’s a pretty good few layered start.

So often, we’re simply too quick to decide on resolutions. How can we make sure the direction we’re heading is right if we haven’t taken stock of where we have come from?

The first week ironically might be the best time to reign in the urge to move on, and pull the brakes a bit, take a pause and look back. Even just for a while.

* * *

Some floating ideas might be around, and I guess that’s only normal. I’d jot them down. And wait for a little while, before giving more attention to another imagined timeline for the coming year. With exactly the same ingredients with the review version, the only difference is that this timeline is more imaginative and about possibilities without being too rigid,

It’s a little late, and I don’t want to cramp this blog post with too much. So, I’ll add more on personal values, and the broader vision for the future perhaps tomorrow. For now, it feels good even though it feels strange to not be the pastor-in-charge of BLC. The fact is I was never FULLY in charge anyway. So much of what BLC is today was contributed directly and indirectly by every person of the congregation knowingly or unknowingly. And in the final analysis, I believe it was and has always been the gentle Spirit nudging us along through the misty paths we’re thread upon.