Sivin Kit's Garden » Personal

012: Mum Mum

Sivin Kit — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:08:32 +0000

011: Penge

Sivin Kit — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:07:32 +0000

010: Artist at Work

Sivin Kit — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:06:12 +0000

007: The ‘Super-Kits’

Sivin Kit — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:31:57 +0000

006: Home Sweet Home

Sivin Kit — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:31:09 +0000

003: Ewan Back to Barnehage!

Sivin Kit — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 14:42:39 +0000

001: Godt Nyt År!

Sivin Kit — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 14:39:15 +0000

The Year 2011 in Review

Sivin Kit — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 20:35:31 +0000

I can hear the fireworks going off here and there outside of our apartment. It was nice to have a bit of snow, not much but enough to make the kids happy. In a short while, we’ll be sitting down together sharing about what has been significant highlights for us this year. Gareth and Elysia and Mummy all have drafted their thoughts. I have scribbled some note and invite you to count the blessings one by one with me.

In fact, there’s too much to share, so I’ve decided to pick one main theme for each month, and throw in some commentary.

* * *

JANUARY – Farewell Bangsar Lutheran Church

Well, in many ways it wasn’t a total cut-off with a “Good bye, I won’t ever see you again!” moment. But, it was a month of officially handing over, and doing everything I could to pass on Bangsar Lutheran Church (BLC) to new leadership.

It was not easy, but in hindsight ‘necessary’ for BLC and for me. Though BLC will always be part of my own journey, and I hope that I’ve contributed in a way that will always be part of BLC’s story, but there’s a time for everything, and this is a season for us all to grow.

FEBRUARY – Hello, University of Agder

After landing in Kristiansand early February on the 4th Day of Chinese New Year, I was then immediately plunged into the first portion of the 15ECTS big PhD Scientific Theory and Method course. University of Agder (UiA) has now become the main arena where I will spend a solid three years of my life doing this PhD in Religion, Ethics and Society.

It was good to be a full-time student again. But more importantly, it began this season of just being ‘Sivin Kit’ as the starting point. Even if it’s closely linked to moving from Sivin the ‘Pastor’ (and other things people call me ) to the ‘PhD Stipendiat’, for me it really hit me that it’s just me, nothing more and nothing less.

Another new beginning.

MARCH – Kristiansand, My Second Home

The orientation of the PhD program and settling into the Institute of Religion, Philosophy and History was one aspect. The other major aspect was the simple and yet important matters ranging from basic social security matters to looking for an apartment for the Kit Family.

This was also the first time I have been away from May Chin and the kids for so long, i.e. from February to middle of April. I thank God for SKYPE. Terima Kasih to SKYPE too. We survived!

APRIL – Velkommen, Anja!

The event of the year for the Kit family will be Anja’s arrival on Monday April 18. We even chose our 4th child and 2nd girl a Nordic name to mark this ‘surprise’ blessing to our family. In a way, she’s also symbolic of learning to ‘do it or ‘start’ all over gain.

She’s indeed a blessing to the other siblings too. Elysia is especially happy to have another girl in the family. Gareth is shown more qualities as No.1 (as I call him!). Ewan now is demonstrating more and more than he’s not just the ‘Di Di’ (younger brother in Chinese), but is learning how to be a bigger brother too.

MAY – Big Move

I will never forget somehow managing the hand luggage together with the kids, while May Chin was pushing Anja on the stroller, and her mom helping us as we flew from KLIA through Schipol, Amsterdam and landed to Kjevik Airport in Kristiansand. It was a massive undertaking especially going through security.

The Kids were exceptional through the flights, and I’m ever so thankful that even though Anja couldn’t get a ‘basket’, she actually got her own seat!!! These are times that you really sit up and count this blessing!

We were also welcomed by a wonderful Norwegian couple whom have now become also very close to the family. I think they are ‘angels’ send to make sure we’re okay.

JUNE – The Kit Family Orientation

I was advised to bring the family during summer rather than winter. I agree it was the right thing to do. Furthermore, school would only start later in August, so the Kit Kids had the chance to relax a bit and just settle in and get used to the environment.

We were also busy getting ‘details’ sorted out for the whole Kit Family, and that’s additional energy especially with a very young baby Anja, and her three energetic elder brothers and sister! I survived!

JULY – Neuendettelsau, Oslo and Utøya

It was good to have this chance to return to Neuendettelsau. In my former life as a pastor, I have been there for a summer school and later used as the base for a 28 day Preaching-Teaching Program traveling through Bavaria. This time it was as a resource person.

Now looking back on what I shared on, especially the experiences from Malaysia, and some reflections based on that, I realize more and more the ‘raw’ material from there is the heartbeat of my PhD project. The sharing and interaction there reminds me of the ‘fire’ in the bones of my current work.

July 22 will be an unforgettable day for Norway. The bombing at Oslo and killing spree at the island of Utøya shocked all of us. We never imagined anything like this could happen in a nation known for peace and tranquility. But then again, evil and tragedy is not rational neither is it predictable.

I remember participating with the other residents of Kristiansand for a special memorial at the city centre. The occasion was solemn, painful, respectful and calm. Even though I’m not a Norwegian, I thought it was important to be in solidarity with the Norwegians as they go through this unimaginable moment.

If Neuendettelsau created the space that allowed me to articulate the ‘raw’ material from Malaysia, the tragic events and subsequent reflections from July 22 Oslo and Utøya became a bridge for me to connect with the different ‘raw’ material in the Norwegian experience. As a result, I think July 22 has left a deep impression on me personally, and stretched me further in my own thinking which I believe will affect my ongoing work.

AUGUST- ‘Religion, Values and Society’ Summer School

One thing I’ve been very fortunate is the timing and sequence of the courses I’ve done so far. After the big course on theory and method, this was the second smaller but significant course I signed up for. This is where I had to learn to me more ‘cool’ headed to revisit the ‘glasses’ I’m wearing. So, while the ‘fire’ in the bones was important to keep one motivated and energized, a certain ‘coolness’ is needed to know what and where to look at, and how I am looking, and what are the adjustments needed to ‘see’ clearer and better.

The extra bonus is of course relational, and never did I imagine that at least in one case it was also very crucial for my project. I can foresee more that will come out from my time at Metochi Study Centre, Lesbos.

SEPTEMBER – Norwegian Course Begins

While May Chin and I have been doing our own self-learning, finally I decided to go for evening classes twice a week that lasted till December. I can’t claim to be conversant in Norwegian yet. But the classes most surely have helped me grasped the basics in which I can build on at my own pace.

It was not easy at times, as I was quite exhausted during the classes and especially after 8 hours at the university. But again, I survived, and learnt more than Norwegian. My eyes were opened to see how others are learning how to ‘fit in’ in little Norway. And there were also other lessons of life that somehow invaded some one like me who often loves to reflect on the ‘raw material’ everyday experience.

OCTOBER – Revised Proposal Submitted, Direction Decided

I felt good when my two supervisors felt that we have a good basis to work on for the project. Decisions had to be made, and I made them. Some decisions are more tentative and revisable but at least now it’s all spelt out clearer and achievable, and at least valuable not just for myself but beyond myself and even Malaysia.

Nothing grand or earth shattering, but this is what’s going to occupy me day and night for three years. The clock is ticking, and at least I know where I’m going, or better, where I will not go.

NOVEMBER – the Return to USA

The last time I visited USA was in 1996 after I graduated from seminary. So, it’s somewhat interesting for me to return during my first year of the PhD Program. The main occasion was the American Academy of Religion (AAR) meeting. A bonus I managed to attend earlier was the Society of Anglican and Lutheran (SALT) meeting which had a great theme on Christian-Muslim relations that I thought was timely.

Other blessings were time with my Aunt (who housed me thus savings on lodging!) and time with cousins and their family. It was especially significant for me to have had the chance to spend thanksgiving and extra time with my ‘mentor’ and his wife. SKYPE is great, and amazing, but nothing beats a face to face encounter. We are more than a face on a screen!

DECEMBER – ‘God Jul!’

Anja was baptized on December 4th. This also marked our bond with the faith community across the road, as well as our own ‘baptism’ into this new adventure not just for me, but for everyone.

This Christmas was also the first time our family was the center of our celebration for a change. We still did the normal church stuff, e.g. May Chin and Anja was ‘Mary and Baby Jesus’ for 3 days, Elysia sang in the girls choir. And space doesn’t permit the new experiences we have had, e.g., our first traditional Norwegian family dinner, but for this season, for this time, it was good for us, and for me to just ‘Be’.

* * *

The kids are awake now, we’re ready for our ‘family review time’ and later fireworks viewing time. First some food, and then off we go out together as the Kit family.

The artist who have us the Christmas gift in this post above, told me that often people have told her what she produces in her art is like from her dreams. Sometimes I wonder whether we are in a dream. Well, in a way yes, it’s always been my dream to have our family live overseas for a period. I benefitted from it when I was a kid. Never did I imagine that through this PhD Journey, we could actually in fact and not just in our dreams have this opportunity.

For me, what’s significant is less whether the artwork above is or isn’t portraying a her dream, what interest me is the colors, the details, the moods, the whole vision and feel conveyed in her work. Applied to us, it’s not whether we are dreaming, it’s about us ‘living’, ‘soaking in’, immersing ourselves, and simply enjoy ‘being’ who we are and what we could become in and through every ‘raw material’ before us. Oh yes, we are the ‘material’ too work in progress, unfinished, not final, and stepping into 2012.

Godt Nytt År!

Random Thoughts on ‘Learning to Learn Again’ 1: Progress Descriptors & ‘Independence’

Sivin Kit — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 21:48:56 +0000

I haven’t been much of a blogger in the year 2011. I have mostly populated this ‘garden’ with my Project 365 photos. Even for that, I have slacked in the past month. So, every time I return, it’s like jumpstarting the engine again (and again).

But, frankly, I’m not guilty at all. It’s simply where I am at this stage of life. No doubt, Facebook and Twitter have taken some attention away, but it’s more that I was on a big ‘learning curve’ to learn how to learn again.

A highlight for me tonight was to sit down and have a dialogue with Elysia and Gareth on their progress at school. The basis for our discussion was a five page progress report with 1 page self-report from both of them (with some color and pictures of course).

Walking with them through the process made me think about my own progress as a ‘learner’. I’ve always seen myself as a ‘life-long learner’ but it’s an interesting experience to pause and revisit this simple and yet profound notion of ‘learning’. This is significant especially when to me and I suppose many of us, we see ‘learning’ more than just stuffing the head with loads of information, but rather a way of discovery and even creativity.

* * *

The four ways of describing one’s progress caught my attention: Emerging, Developing, Proficient and Independent. The linear movement is clear, the goal obviously is to be ‘independent’ in a particular area. For me, there was this urge to add a fifth column, and also the idea of a kind of spiral where we return again and again in a given area.

The fifth column or way I’d add would be ‘interdependence’. This is because I see after the freedom and excitement of ‘independence’, one finds that in actual fact, we are still ‘dependent’ in a different way then the way we understood our ‘emergence’ before. The ‘independence’ ironically should help us at least recognize and appreciate how we are not isolated in this journey of learning.

For example, even when I’ve gained some confidence in a particular theory, and method regarding subject X, and now I may have something to say, I’m still dependent on the works of those before me, and the work that is still going on. It sounds so like obvious doesn’t it? But then, it’s nice to return to the obvious. Keeps us humble.

Furthermore, the value of independence becomes even more valuable when it leads to the ability to collaborate, to engage in conversation critically with other independent learners, and then creative possibilities emerge, and then develop, and then now two become proficient as collaborators and a new kind of independence is achieved. The ‘Learning spiral’ continues when the ‘two’ multiples this process with another two or three or more.

* * *

I found myself using different ‘descriptors’ for different areas of my learning thus far. Perhaps in the area of seeing connections and the big picture, I could use ‘proficient’ or even ‘independent’. But for the area of detail and nitty gritty it’s more of ‘developing’ towards ‘proficiency’.

When it comes to being open and flexible, I’m pretty ‘independent’ and even able to be ‘interdependent’ and have a capacity to work well with others. At least, in most situations . But when it comes to focus and keeping my attention on one thing, one concept, and one theory, it’s been a greater effort to works towards greater proficiency.

So, a more meta-view would even mean, I’m growing in my own ‘independence’ is seeing how to describe my own progress using the language of these descriptors. And in conversation with my advisors, and fellow PhD colleagues, a certain ‘interdependence’ is acquired as well.

now the focus of the progress report for my children are more ‘individual focused’ and that was the purpose of the assessment for them. I’m merely extending what started individually but with a communal tone without losing individuality.

I think it’s possible. And it’s a good idea to be conscious about it.

‘Independence’ is a great value, and especially in the environment I’ve grown up in like Malaysia, we do not have sufficient push towards more critical thinking. There are times that we are trained well and are skillful in many areas, but lack independence in our thinking. This doesn’t mean we are incapable of it, but perhaps on one hand we have not emerged from our dependence on ‘authority’ figures whether from home through to education and even politics. On the other hand, it’s some how not allowed to blossom because of our own lack of confidence, lack of the language to enable us to let our thoughts grow.

I wonder whether it might actually be more about our ‘imagination’ being stifled by numerous factors, that has caused us to fear imagining ‘independence’ at all. ”You mean, that idea is actually valuable?”, we might think. Too often, it’s less about self-censorship, but more about self-silencing even before a seed thought could ‘emerge’ and ”develop’ into something we can be ‘proficient’ about. We’re not even talking about ‘independence’ yet, and ‘interdependence’ seems too far away?

But deep down, at least when it comes to learning, we want to take steps forward. We want to be ‘independent’. It’s important to us. The ‘descriptors’ give us some vocabulary to talk about it. In the case of my kids, two words emerged, ‘thinking’ and ‘confidence’. Now we have something to work with, now we can imagine a little bit more. ’Dream a bit’ – whether in the night, or even in broad daylight.

* * *

Other words are embedded in these four (and in my version five) descriptors: support from others, understanding and application within one’s learning, and then understanding and applying to other areas of learning. My addition is merely that ‘we are not alone’ in all this, why should we? And even when I’m sitting alone in reading a book, or thinking, am I really doing all this independently?

In the last 8 months, even when I was in solitude, there are some ‘saints’ helping me along with their words,, their language, their theories, their concepts, their methods, you name it, it was ‘hauntingly’ fun! Boo! I needed all the help I could get. Even help from watching how my children ‘learn’, because at heart I’m still a kid, ‘learning to learn again’.

More in another post. I put (1) in the blog post title, that’s supposed to nudge me to have another blog post (2).

* * *

Random Thoughts on Writing, ‘Apprenticeship’ and ‘Cabinet Making’

Sivin Kit — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:36:05 +0000

‘Writing’ as a way to bring those ‘disembodied’ ideas, thoughts, intuitions, concepts, images, etc., out into the open was a key theme running in my mind while listening to some practical advice by the ‘Masters’ of academia to the young PhD Padawans.

I have scribbled ‘tons’ of notes since February, mind-mapped all over the place, and even tissue or napkins have not escaped the obsession to ‘put things down’. But I think what is more significant, is that when I scribble or mind-map I’m in a conscious awareness of being in ‘dialogue’ with the material before me.

During my initial reading of the empirical material I have collected, I found myself giggling, humored, upset, and at times flabbergasted by the turn of phrase here and there as well as the parodic tone of some of the utterances. Malaysians are a creative bunch, but reflective and thoughtful. Never underestimate the intelligence of the man and woman on the street! In my case, before a ‘screen’.

* * *

I think I keyed in “* * *” because I wanted to signal a change of topic, unconsciously it naturally came up. So, the next turn is actually linked to the theme above, but taking a step back. It’s the notion of ‘apprenticeship’.

A wise man whom is more like a big tall Rugby sized ‘Yoda’ once told me that this season is a time of ‘apprenticeship’. To draw in an earlier metaphor, I’m learning to make a ‘cabinet’ and not build a ‘house’. So far, the ‘cabinet making’ has involved learning the tools, getting the material, accidently hitting the fingers (ouch!), wrong placement of the nails and so forth.

I know we live in a world of DIY IKEA-like mentalities. But, the apprenticeship to be a carpenter or ‘cabinet-making’ in the good old days, was full of trials and errors under the keen guidance of a master carpenter. No clean looking manuals, perhaps some sketches in the sand, or rough paper.

I keep the notion of ‘apprenticeship’ and also picture of ‘cabinet making’ clear and loud in my consciousness, because the urge to build a ‘house’ and I know for some a whole ‘city’ is there especially in the ‘imagination’. And to rein in someone imaginative like me, I always need to return back to this ‘cabinet’ I’m working on. So, Rugby-sized ‘Yoda’ is right, and he was affirming. I felt good just listening to him.

Another Master in the Academia seconded this approach, and we laughed over coffee talking about the danger of over-rating brilliance over plain old hard work discipline. Discipline involves sweat, struggle, pain, and simple focus. I’ll call him, Master ‘Bushy Beard’ (MBB?). MBB smiled and told me, the idea of a ‘second file’ is where one parks all those grandiose or even brilliant ideas, then get back to the ‘main project’ during this time. Brilliance can be distracting, and then nothing actually gets produced. Good advice.

So, these were two memorable ‘coffee’ sessions with Masters in the ways of the force in Academia. What I remember most was not only the substantial content of the dialogues, but also the walks through the exibition hall collecting pens and freebies, wading through the crowd in a big mall, and a simple conversation where I was ‘seen’ as not someone ‘great’ or ‘brilliant’ or ‘dumb’ and ‘stupid’, but as a young padawan – ‘apprentice’ – fumbling and learning the ways of the ‘force’.

This has made me appreciate even more the appointed (and chosen) Masters guiding me through this fast moving process. There’s also the informal ones on and off that’s a blessing too.

Though I noticed sometimes I look as if all is well (it’s the smile!), the reality is it’s a smile that also emerges from struggle and pain. The learning curve has been steep and slippery. I’ve fallen, tripped, crashed and picked myself up again and again. I’m fortunate to have another Master not in Academia but accompanying me in the ways of the force in ‘life as a whole’ who keeps me sane!

The Christian word we use close to this notion of ‘apprenticeship’ is ‘discipleship’. My Chinese genes are now bubbling with Kung-fu images and the ways of Martial arts. But I’ll leave that for another day, and to your imagination, if you are reading or eavesdropping here.

* * *

One more sip of the nice coffee. “Ja, Jeg drikke kafe!”.

Now the eyes moves to the pancakes.

And we’re gearing up for a family outing.