Sivin Kit's Garden » Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts after a Long Absence

Sivin Kit — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 20:45:52 +0000

Life is unpredictable. We had a lovely week of sunshine this past week only to wake up this morning with a mix of snow and rain. I wonder what will be the weather tomorrow. Life here in Norway for us as a family has mostly been consistent and stable, and this has been good for us during this ‘Sabbath’ season. But the unpredictability of the weather does remind me that it’s always good to be ready for the unexpected.

I have been missing from this blog which has been a big part of my ‘identity’ online at least since 2002. My absence appears to me to show that there are some ‘serious’ work offline that is going on. This is mainly the result of being part of this PhD journey personally, and also the ‘adventurous’ journey for our family.

Academically, it’s been and still is a learning curve more than just doing research, working with my material, and cracking my brains theoretically. I find myself reflecting quite deeply on other dimensions of my life and work. It’s not the right time to ‘announce’ what are the results of this process, only to say that it’s a work in progress. Then again, when does this process ever end? But I think if I look at my own journey as phases, then this has been quite a first year of what is planned to be a three year PhD.

I’m no Paul, but I do wonder what happened to him when he was away. I dare not even put myself next to Wittgenstein, but I suppose his time in Norway was significant. Then as I read and listen to the different contributions of the various philosophers or theologians I’m engaged in conversation with, quite a few had time away from their homeland. Often the context they were in were vastly different from their land of origin. My guess is that when one is confronted with so much change and adjustment, what was taken for granted is accentuated and then it sharpens the questions not only for their research projects and interests, but also makes one more self-conscious and with a little more push self-critical.

Of course, I could simply just get the ‘job’ done, and finally churn out a piece of work that may be of use to my intended audience. But my aim for this ‘long absence’ from home (not from this blog), has been to allow this ‘jump first, fear later’ initial process to transform into a serious ‘long walk to freedom’ that will be deep and lasting. So far, I think it’s happening one step at a time. A lot of inner dialogue is going on. The dialogue with those outside of me – dead or ‘alive’ – have been most rewarding indeed. The dialogues have been tough and challenging through out, but there are spurts of high energy and a push forward. All in all I’m curious who I will turn out after the polyphony of these voices.

So, we can only wait and see. For now, this little ‘return’ post is reconnect a little back to my ‘blog identity’ – and even that I’m curious how that will change. One thing is for sure, I’m trying to keep my writing here personal and not academic. It’s primarily a ‘garden’ to plant some thoughts, cultivate some ideas, and explore getting my hands dirty with what ever that’s floating in between my ears.

Random Thoughts on ‘Learning to Learn Again’ 1: Progress Descriptors & ‘Independence’

Sivin Kit — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 21:48:56 +0000

I haven’t been much of a blogger in the year 2011. I have mostly populated this ‘garden’ with my Project 365 photos. Even for that, I have slacked in the past month. So, every time I return, it’s like jumpstarting the engine again (and again).

But, frankly, I’m not guilty at all. It’s simply where I am at this stage of life. No doubt, Facebook and Twitter have taken some attention away, but it’s more that I was on a big ‘learning curve’ to learn how to learn again.

A highlight for me tonight was to sit down and have a dialogue with Elysia and Gareth on their progress at school. The basis for our discussion was a five page progress report with 1 page self-report from both of them (with some color and pictures of course).

Walking with them through the process made me think about my own progress as a ‘learner’. I’ve always seen myself as a ‘life-long learner’ but it’s an interesting experience to pause and revisit this simple and yet profound notion of ‘learning’. This is significant especially when to me and I suppose many of us, we see ‘learning’ more than just stuffing the head with loads of information, but rather a way of discovery and even creativity.

* * *

The four ways of describing one’s progress caught my attention: Emerging, Developing, Proficient and Independent. The linear movement is clear, the goal obviously is to be ‘independent’ in a particular area. For me, there was this urge to add a fifth column, and also the idea of a kind of spiral where we return again and again in a given area.

The fifth column or way I’d add would be ‘interdependence’. This is because I see after the freedom and excitement of ‘independence’, one finds that in actual fact, we are still ‘dependent’ in a different way then the way we understood our ‘emergence’ before. The ‘independence’ ironically should help us at least recognize and appreciate how we are not isolated in this journey of learning.

For example, even when I’ve gained some confidence in a particular theory, and method regarding subject X, and now I may have something to say, I’m still dependent on the works of those before me, and the work that is still going on. It sounds so like obvious doesn’t it? But then, it’s nice to return to the obvious. Keeps us humble.

Furthermore, the value of independence becomes even more valuable when it leads to the ability to collaborate, to engage in conversation critically with other independent learners, and then creative possibilities emerge, and then develop, and then now two become proficient as collaborators and a new kind of independence is achieved. The ‘Learning spiral’ continues when the ‘two’ multiples this process with another two or three or more.

* * *

I found myself using different ‘descriptors’ for different areas of my learning thus far. Perhaps in the area of seeing connections and the big picture, I could use ‘proficient’ or even ‘independent’. But for the area of detail and nitty gritty it’s more of ‘developing’ towards ‘proficiency’.

When it comes to being open and flexible, I’m pretty ‘independent’ and even able to be ‘interdependent’ and have a capacity to work well with others. At least, in most situations . But when it comes to focus and keeping my attention on one thing, one concept, and one theory, it’s been a greater effort to works towards greater proficiency.

So, a more meta-view would even mean, I’m growing in my own ‘independence’ is seeing how to describe my own progress using the language of these descriptors. And in conversation with my advisors, and fellow PhD colleagues, a certain ‘interdependence’ is acquired as well.

now the focus of the progress report for my children are more ‘individual focused’ and that was the purpose of the assessment for them. I’m merely extending what started individually but with a communal tone without losing individuality.

I think it’s possible. And it’s a good idea to be conscious about it.

‘Independence’ is a great value, and especially in the environment I’ve grown up in like Malaysia, we do not have sufficient push towards more critical thinking. There are times that we are trained well and are skillful in many areas, but lack independence in our thinking. This doesn’t mean we are incapable of it, but perhaps on one hand we have not emerged from our dependence on ‘authority’ figures whether from home through to education and even politics. On the other hand, it’s some how not allowed to blossom because of our own lack of confidence, lack of the language to enable us to let our thoughts grow.

I wonder whether it might actually be more about our ‘imagination’ being stifled by numerous factors, that has caused us to fear imagining ‘independence’ at all. ”You mean, that idea is actually valuable?”, we might think. Too often, it’s less about self-censorship, but more about self-silencing even before a seed thought could ‘emerge’ and ”develop’ into something we can be ‘proficient’ about. We’re not even talking about ‘independence’ yet, and ‘interdependence’ seems too far away?

But deep down, at least when it comes to learning, we want to take steps forward. We want to be ‘independent’. It’s important to us. The ‘descriptors’ give us some vocabulary to talk about it. In the case of my kids, two words emerged, ‘thinking’ and ‘confidence’. Now we have something to work with, now we can imagine a little bit more. ’Dream a bit’ – whether in the night, or even in broad daylight.

* * *

Other words are embedded in these four (and in my version five) descriptors: support from others, understanding and application within one’s learning, and then understanding and applying to other areas of learning. My addition is merely that ‘we are not alone’ in all this, why should we? And even when I’m sitting alone in reading a book, or thinking, am I really doing all this independently?

In the last 8 months, even when I was in solitude, there are some ‘saints’ helping me along with their words,, their language, their theories, their concepts, their methods, you name it, it was ‘hauntingly’ fun! Boo! I needed all the help I could get. Even help from watching how my children ‘learn’, because at heart I’m still a kid, ‘learning to learn again’.

More in another post. I put (1) in the blog post title, that’s supposed to nudge me to have another blog post (2).

* * *

Random Thoughts on Writing, ‘Apprenticeship’ and ‘Cabinet Making’

Sivin Kit — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:36:05 +0000

‘Writing’ as a way to bring those ‘disembodied’ ideas, thoughts, intuitions, concepts, images, etc., out into the open was a key theme running in my mind while listening to some practical advice by the ‘Masters’ of academia to the young PhD Padawans.

I have scribbled ‘tons’ of notes since February, mind-mapped all over the place, and even tissue or napkins have not escaped the obsession to ‘put things down’. But I think what is more significant, is that when I scribble or mind-map I’m in a conscious awareness of being in ‘dialogue’ with the material before me.

During my initial reading of the empirical material I have collected, I found myself giggling, humored, upset, and at times flabbergasted by the turn of phrase here and there as well as the parodic tone of some of the utterances. Malaysians are a creative bunch, but reflective and thoughtful. Never underestimate the intelligence of the man and woman on the street! In my case, before a ‘screen’.

* * *

I think I keyed in “* * *” because I wanted to signal a change of topic, unconsciously it naturally came up. So, the next turn is actually linked to the theme above, but taking a step back. It’s the notion of ‘apprenticeship’.

A wise man whom is more like a big tall Rugby sized ‘Yoda’ once told me that this season is a time of ‘apprenticeship’. To draw in an earlier metaphor, I’m learning to make a ‘cabinet’ and not build a ‘house’. So far, the ‘cabinet making’ has involved learning the tools, getting the material, accidently hitting the fingers (ouch!), wrong placement of the nails and so forth.

I know we live in a world of DIY IKEA-like mentalities. But, the apprenticeship to be a carpenter or ‘cabinet-making’ in the good old days, was full of trials and errors under the keen guidance of a master carpenter. No clean looking manuals, perhaps some sketches in the sand, or rough paper.

I keep the notion of ‘apprenticeship’ and also picture of ‘cabinet making’ clear and loud in my consciousness, because the urge to build a ‘house’ and I know for some a whole ‘city’ is there especially in the ‘imagination’. And to rein in someone imaginative like me, I always need to return back to this ‘cabinet’ I’m working on. So, Rugby-sized ‘Yoda’ is right, and he was affirming. I felt good just listening to him.

Another Master in the Academia seconded this approach, and we laughed over coffee talking about the danger of over-rating brilliance over plain old hard work discipline. Discipline involves sweat, struggle, pain, and simple focus. I’ll call him, Master ‘Bushy Beard’ (MBB?). MBB smiled and told me, the idea of a ‘second file’ is where one parks all those grandiose or even brilliant ideas, then get back to the ‘main project’ during this time. Brilliance can be distracting, and then nothing actually gets produced. Good advice.

So, these were two memorable ‘coffee’ sessions with Masters in the ways of the force in Academia. What I remember most was not only the substantial content of the dialogues, but also the walks through the exibition hall collecting pens and freebies, wading through the crowd in a big mall, and a simple conversation where I was ‘seen’ as not someone ‘great’ or ‘brilliant’ or ‘dumb’ and ‘stupid’, but as a young padawan – ‘apprentice’ – fumbling and learning the ways of the ‘force’.

This has made me appreciate even more the appointed (and chosen) Masters guiding me through this fast moving process. There’s also the informal ones on and off that’s a blessing too.

Though I noticed sometimes I look as if all is well (it’s the smile!), the reality is it’s a smile that also emerges from struggle and pain. The learning curve has been steep and slippery. I’ve fallen, tripped, crashed and picked myself up again and again. I’m fortunate to have another Master not in Academia but accompanying me in the ways of the force in ‘life as a whole’ who keeps me sane!

The Christian word we use close to this notion of ‘apprenticeship’ is ‘discipleship’. My Chinese genes are now bubbling with Kung-fu images and the ways of Martial arts. But I’ll leave that for another day, and to your imagination, if you are reading or eavesdropping here.

* * *

One more sip of the nice coffee. “Ja, Jeg drikke kafe!”.

Now the eyes moves to the pancakes.

And we’re gearing up for a family outing.

Random Thoughts after a ‘long’ absence

Sivin Kit — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:34:34 +0000

It’s been quite a while since I keyed in any texts on this blog. The reasons or excuses are legion.

I have been traveling a lot this year. First, it was to and fro Malaysia and Norway to orientate myself, and settle in the family. Then there was the courses at Lesbos Island, Greece and Uppsala, Sweden. The last round was San Francisco and Denver, USA with long flights are quite a few transits via Stavanger, London, Frankfurt, Oslo then back home. So, all this demands energy.

There’s been so much to soak in. On top of the PhD program, the whole ‘apprenticeship’ of making this initial ‘academic cabinet” and learning the rules and language of academia has been a learning curve. There are moments when I think I get it a little better, there are other times I’m as blur as ever

Two little episodes was encouraging at the American Academy of Religion (AAR) Meeting. Both were with senior professors over coffee. What I appreciated was the reconfiguration of what this ‘apprenticeship’ means for my own journey, and how I need to keep the focus on what is before me. After coming back from this long trip, there’s still so much I haven’t processed yet. It’s pretty overwhelming, but rewarding nonetheless.

I recall how one of them strongly agreed my own ‘another project’ file where the loads of interesting ideas can be parked there for future work. My mind is often on overdrive while reading, so it’s easy to get distracted and lose focus. One of the key aspects of this apprenticeship is focus and getting the work done. It’s about discipline more than brilliance. There’s a time for everything, I suppose. There would be moments of enlightenment but the hard work of research, tracking details, and reigning in my wild thoughts is part of the whole journey.

Indeed, before I can run, I’m still taking baby steps, walking in small spurts with occasionally dashes!

* * *

The life outside of the PhD journey is equally intense. Time is speeding by in lightening speed as the children go to school, participate in some church activities, and we have some time to ourselves.

Advent is a good season, as it’s like the Lent where the four weeks build up to a climax. It provides a way of reorienting one’s life. I was a little surprised to see Advent candles lit in the Institute coffee area this week. The kids are also plugged into the season with reading material and chocolates! One per day!

Snow hasn’t come. Gareth was hoping to have some for the school ‘Winter Walk’ later in the evening. Looks like, we’ll have a cold and wet evening instead. I heard from my Norwegian friends that last year it was already snowing this time. It’s windy and wet now, so the weather is unpredictable indeed.

We’re getting ready for Anja’s baptism this Sunday, so it’s a little milestone for Anja and the whole family. The briefing yesterday was a good introduction deeper into Christianity in Norway through the lens of a local congregation and the State church overall. What I appreciated is the fact that, the Church is adapting to the changing culture and demands placed upon her. On a personal note, my mind was led to think about the different life stages Anja will walk through, and what is our role as parents and the supportive role faith communities play in her adventures.

Baptism on one hand highlights Anja’s welcome as a ‘child of God’, on the other, somehow I was also thinking about her as a ‘citizen of the kingdom of God’. This first image clearly more familial, the second political. These two metaphors conveys a whole series of concepts and dimensions which will be unpacked in days to come. The nurturing aspect is foundational no doubt, but the wider ‘political’ dimension is one perhaps not so comfortable for many, and yet it’s part and parcel of daily life more often than we think it is.

When we were getting our ‘personal number’ to settle into life in Norway, the nurturing aspect that related to the wider society we live in was only really possible when the ‘initiation’ was completed.

of course life has many other spheres, and now with everyone awake. It’s the beginning of breakfast time, and a pause on the return of my blogging

Random thoughts while having nice orange juice

Sivin Kit — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 09:59:37 +0000

The Kit kids had a lovely Saturday morning cartoon, thanks to Mummy! I cycled to town returned a DVD, and did some necessary grocery shopping. The trip back was a bit of a work out, but I guess that’s the kind of exercise I’m getting these days.

The last couple of weeks has been pretty intense. There were the after work hours Norwegian classes on top of a couple of ‘open’ lectures, and a PhD seminar. All in all, a full schedule. So, I think it’s time to slow down a little for some spaced out thoughts.

* * *

During the last week, my thinking was occupied by ‘Naturalism’ and ‘Humanism’. On one end is the more vague, ‘religious naturalism’, on the other, the more concrete ‘Christian humanism’. What interest me is how one arrives at these positions, and especially the choices someone makes in whichever direction.

A confession at the outset. I must credit my good friend Dion Forster for introducing me to the world of ‘South Africa’. I recall fondly our drive to the seminary during his last first visit to Malaysia, and I appreciate the ongoing friendship that we have. Through Dion, it’s been tremendously rewarding to connect to the theological thinking and reflections coming out of the struggle against Apartheid and all that’s after it’s fall.

So much of the thicker academic discussions I find myself thinking through overwhelms a novice, and and easily drown the uninitiated. No wonder, it’s common to hear that so much of these discussions appear to me ‘arm chair’ or ‘ivory tower’ ramblings unconnected to ground realities. But, to be fair, even for some dense articulations, this is not necessary the case. Perhaps, what makes it harder for the ‘outsider’ to academic dense reflections, is first, the unfamiliarity with the ‘academic language’ and ‘modes of argument’ which is wit in a world of itself. Second. often the the academics tend towards jumping into the discussion proper and not explicitly stating where they are coming from, and their implicit assumptions. The demand for greater transparency in academic discourse is most welcome, and in a way, brings what was perceived as a wide gap much closer. Because, so much hangs on this kind of transparency, which leads to greater accountability, and keeps hierarchical intellectual elitism in check. I suggest all will benefit in the long run.

This doesn’t mean that we’ll spend too much time ‘clearing throats’ and enter an overdose of ‘biographical discloser’, but a few lines of relevant bio-historic content, with an additional few lines of the starting point assumptions usually the kind has ontological and epistemological flavor helps. Some will even add the particular disciplines or few disciplines they operate from and the audiences they wish to speak to. In the light of the ‘situational’ comments on South Africa, where we come from keeps us modest.

All this seems so obvious, that I feel a little stupid highlighting them. Shouldn’t we assume all this? I guess, we should. ‘Should’, ‘ought to’ .. loads of normatively here. But perhaps, we can’t assume too much these days.

However, I do see the danger of people immediately writing someone off prematurely, and then we don’t even ‘listen’ because of ‘party’ lines. The politics is as real as it is even in so called ‘pure intellectual circles’. So, this complicates everything. Life is complex, or life is difficult, we’d like to say. So, the responsibility lies with us, on how we make those adjustments when confronted with ‘transparency’. Admittedly, many of us struggle with responding with a critical openness due to loads of baggage from past experience.

The way forward, at least to me, or more precisely for me thus far, has been learning keep the ‘dialogues’ alive in my mind often after a conversation, or formal lecture. A certain guardedness is not a bad idea. Because at times we might detect, an ‘evangelistic’ element in thinkers, especially when we’re making promises which sound like the solutions to many impasses (I know some might not like the analogy but then this is random). The fact is we all do make promises, and learning to keep them is an ongoing challenge. In the context of research, some promises will be grand, others more modest, both are welcome as long as we are clear in what we’re promising.

Sure, how many of us have been surprised by under promised promotions? One can cite from the examples of movies to guest speakers whether for religious meetings or academic settings. The value of what we get is often distracted by an initial promotion when what we originally were aiming for was the ‘actual’ content of a movie or a presentation itself. So, the link between the ‘promise’ and the ‘product’ requires some attention. But taking a step back, and tying it back to where we started earlier on assumptions, or some might prefer to say ‘presuppositions’, it’s good to lay these out clearly, then we’re making ‘progress’. Ah … nice. ‘Presuppositions’-'promises’-'process’-'product’-'progress’ … may ‘promotion’ is there somewhere LOL.

As usual these random thoughts are random ramblings, but perhaps there’s something in there which my ‘open reader’ might find useful. For me, it’s good to unload a little. I think after that, it’s not a bad idea to write some ‘refined thoughts’ from these ‘random thoughts’.

The burger is calling now. Yes, back to more concrete matters.

***

Random Thoughts on an early ‘Høst’ morning

Sivin Kit — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 07:27:08 +0000

These random thoughts have not only been ‘random’, but also quite ‘sporadic’ these days, The only consistent postings have been ‘project 365′ photos. So, it’s good to make brief return.

Why so little blogging? Well, maybe because much of my online life is more limited to Facebook interaction, a bit of Google+ minimally, and more importantly there’s loads happening offline. So, it’s only natural that there’ll be less output in this ‘garden’. Yup, I decided to switch make to my original organic title. Since, life is already full of adventure, perhaps the metaphor of ‘garden’ fits into the slow me down mode which is needed for reflection. Less intense.

On speed and intensity, it’s still quite a journey thus far. Did two PhD courses, one big (15ECTS) and one small (5 ECTS) and another small 5ECTS coming. The first in Kristiansand, the second at Lesbos, Greece, and the upcoming one will be at Uppsala, Sweden. So, three courses at three locations is quite a chunk. But, from a course load point of view I think it’s wise to clear as much as possible. To add some icing on top the big chunk of ‘course’ cake I’ve been devouring, I’ll be off to the American Academy of Religion big ‘party’ in San Francisco, USA before the year wraps up. So, pretty full for year one of the PhD program. Very enjoyable so far.

This blog post will also be a mini landmark where I use my new ‘beginners’ typing skills which took me a month to complete one round of lessons. I still fumble a lot but it’s sped up my finger movements on the keyboard for sure. I plan to still go through the lessons another round just to sharpen this new acquired skill. Good bye to four finger typing, hello to using all the fingers!

Some self-reflection is in order here. I noticed this is basically how I learn. I need to have a overview first, and walk though the lessons at least one round in total. Getting the big picture and then zooming is how it works well for me. And yet, the irony is in order to have some grasp of the big picture, I get there by moving through the bite size lessons to get there. About 22 total for this round. So, the big picture and the details though distinguished, cannot be separated. When one is aiming for a big picture feel, she gets there step by step. There can’t be a big jump.

A side track thought intervenes here. ‘Jumps’ are still needed. But it’s mostly, at least for me, I ‘jump first, fear later’ to decide to move from one phase to another. Once I’ve landed somewhere, it’s ‘looking before the next leap’, and the movement forward a little more gradual in small baby steps. One can’t hurry in learning, and wisdom most surely is not in the paradigm of ‘fast food’.

Next, besides basic typing, I’ve also started my evening Norwegian classes. It was a surreal feeling especially for the first class last Tuesday. It was like a scene right from the old British comedy which by today’s standards totally politically incorrect: “Mind Your Language”. So Mr. Brown is replaced by an older Norwegian lady who reminds me of the best teachers I had in school. The students come from Canada, UK, Tanzania, Ethiopia, China, Poland, Italy, Chechnya, and yours truly Malaysia! Mrs. Torv refuses to use the one to one translation approach to teach us. And to be fair, not all of us are primary English speakers, so right from the word ‘Velkommen!”, it’s been mostly in Norwegian unless really needed. I giggle every time she says “demontrasjon!” (I think that’s how it’s spelt), so a lot of what’s going on is like any primary school language class for kids. This includes a long stick she waves over the whiteboard to walk us through the sentences!

I wonder whether this was what was in Wittgenstein’s mind when he was in Norway. This experience really makes me want to revisit his “Philosophical Investigations” where so much attention in on ‘language’. How do we even begin to speak a new language? I’m very conscious how it works for baby Anja now, especially when she’s surrounded with loads of words, sentences, tones, expressions not only in English and Mandarin, but with occasional Norwegian. So, I’m like Anja in many ways but for Norwegian. If I want to extend this analogy further, I feel the same as I start to navigate my self in academic waters.

I’ve made a little detour from my original big picture/small details discussion, and the relation between them which is not that sharp in actual reality. The language discussion should be a bonus!

It’s already a pretty long post for a return. More another day. There’s a limit of how much a picture and photo can convey. Sure, a picture is worth a million words. But, some times we at least minimally need some words, and not a million words, about a thousand might be in order.

Random Thoughts after reading on the distinction between ‘ambiguity’ and ‘vagueness’

Sivin Kit — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 08:09:00 +0000

Originally, I wanted to use ‘Dragon Dictation’ to dictate this post. But I decided to go ‘classical’ and type with my new typing skills since the noise level is not conducive for oral dictation. Soon, that day will come.

I’ve been missing from a decent blog post apart from the Project 365 updates. Partly is because I’ve been away for a PhD course 2 weeks ago at Metochi Study Center, Lesbos Island, Greece. It was nice to have limited internet access. It facilitated more conversations over the tables, and space for personal reflection. A lot of it was directed to my own current research project, a pleasant amount of thoughts were focused on more personal musings.

Even after almost more than six months since I set foot on Kristiansand, there’s still a strong feeling of ‘newness’ and ‘freshness’ in the whole experience. Of course, from an academic point of view, it was very much an orientation into the academic community and discourse in terms of research, in particular for me the world of social sciences. But I’ve also kept the worlds of theology and philosophy very close and not forgotten.

It’s funny how some thoughts and ideas have come full cycle like a boomerang. So, every thought and idea must not be dismissed prematurely even when one holds them lightly at this beginning stage.

Of course, life can never be just floating in the creative seas of imagination, and day dreaming. Decisions need to be made, in face, staying in the creative zone and exploratory phase is also a decision in itself. However, after the course of ‘Using theory in interdisciplinary research’, I was already on the road to getting ‘married’ to specific theoretical approaches, and operating from a set of ontological and epistemological assumptions, and choosing relevant methods to move forward. What was nice is to feel ‘affirmed’ that I’m not heading towards a dead end, and significant ‘nudges’ to keep me on track.

Some people start with a ‘narrow’ focus and then start from there. In many ways that’s a good start for a PhD project. Saves some time in a way. But then, it’s also possible that being overly ‘narrow’ might actually blind us from some significant areas which need attention.

I had some focus, and started with a range of possibilities. Perhaps, the only area which was somewhat decided was the ‘time and space’ of the empirical material, and also the attention on a ‘relation’ which caught my attention but required the last six months to put into focus a little bit more.

The other aspect was the ‘self and other’ relation which was implicit and now more explicit at a number of levels. One is clearly seen in the material it self. But in the last six months, I’m also aware on the relation between the researcher as well as the researched. In addition to that, perhaps because I’m in a totally ‘outside’ situation from my ‘original’ situation, even the theories are not taken for granted. In fact, nothing is taken for granted. Nothing can be assumed without critical examination.

What is true at the academic intellectual level, has been also evident in our ‘orientation’ as a family, especially when school started in the middle of August. For Ewan, it was a totally ‘native Norwegian’ setting, which he thoroughly enjoys and soaking in well. For Gareth and Elysia, it’s more ‘international’ and yet situated in a Norwegian setting, so that brings another added dimension to our experience thus far. I had loads of fun speaking a little Mandarin and then Malay, and of course mostly English, with parents and teachers from different corners of the globe.

May Chin and I want to start our Norwegian lessons soon. And we’ve got our classes lined up at two different venues. May Chin’s lessons will be more spread out, while mine more intensive. I hope to be able to manage this on top of my own ‘big’ project, and I could have chosen to not go for lessons. But I guess, since I am here and the interest I have always had to learn languages, it’s only natural for me to take this step.

furthermore, what I’m thinking about theoretically, has a wider context for reexamination besides my original material for research, i.e. our whole life experience becomes a kind of ‘material’ as well. It’s intense in a way but it’s at least to me, integrated. So, while there are clearly different dimensions which may at first sight be ‘ambiguous’ but it’s connected with each other and distinguishable when needed. Nothing ‘vague’ about that

So, a note of thankfulness is in order. A kind of existential gratitude on the ‘giftedness’ of life and all that is laid out before us. Most of which has been present long before we have arrived, and much will influence us as we take baby steps to the future. Anja is calling out, now she’s been included in this blog post too. Can’t leave her out!

Random Thoughts after a lovely “Mastralian” weekend

Sivin Kit — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 04:44:56 +0000

The coffee is ready. It’s good to return to some random thoughts.

The sun is rising on my right behind the tree. It’s a new week ahead with quite a few “new” experiences lined up.

But first, before I leap ahead, I’ll dwell a little longer in gratitude for a lovely “Mastralian” weekend. It was nice to reconnect with “home” through multiple ways. From conversations on simple topics to updates on friends and family, then there was also the very early in the morning Skype session back to Bangsar Lutheran Church.

A lot of walking on the weekend for the whole family with our guest So, an extra physical workout bonus indeed. But the extra “sunshine”, whether it’s the weather or from “rat girl” was indeed a blessing.

It’s just over six months since I’ve first arrived, and about two months for the rest of the family. The clock at the same speed, but the experience of time is indeed relative. It feels so fast. At times I wish it would slow down, but then again, we aren’t in control of the rhythm of the clock, we are only in some degree of control of how we will savor the moments, and decide on the next steps forward, with a dose of memory documentation.

I’ve been thinking about how we live in multiple “worlds”. We start somewhere we call “home”, then often, our pilgrimage opens up doors for us to have “second homes” (or more), then we walk around different zones outside of our “homes”, some comfortable, often surprising, occasionally remarkable and interesting. Not for forget, some bumps along the way with growing pains to mature us.

We embrace the local languages as much as possible, then a kind of “hybrid” moment comes. We can never be the same. But when could we? Even when we’ve been located in the same “geographical” area all our lives, we’re never in the same “chronological” space. Wise men and women would add, there also these “kairos” moments too.

It’s also easy to let them pass quickly without attention. We miss out the extra gems to add to the jewelry of our memory and personal formation. So, it’s good to have some coffee with the sun now rising a little higher, to “recollect”, to contemplate – to have a look again.

There’s so much to reflect upon, so many lessons to draw from.

The strange and yet surprising way we move beyond the surface of language and culture to dig deeper into our humanity.

New people who begin to brighten up and make a mark in the ever unfolding narrative of our existence.

Ideas that come and go. Knowledge which opens doors to new ways of thinking. Old ways of thinking either retrieved, reworked, or released, I have in particular found the joy and struggle with playing with “ideas”. The pursuit of “knowledge” is tremendously humbling. “Thinking” while is very much a “head” thing, but it’s beyond the “head”. Perhaps, some biological perspective can explain how all these impulses work in the brain. It’s pretty amazing. But reducing it to electronic “ping pong” movements does make it less artistic.

Watching my kids has always been a way into new discoveries. Seeing the world through their eyes makes me connect and reconnect again and again to what is important, and what is less important, and for the so called “Adult”, makes me wonder what the struggle is all about. We can’t chuck away the struggle, unless we want to “exit” a little faster. Perhaps, in some ways the perspective of a child clarifies significance of things, events, people and relationships, while the struggle of an adult is an indicator of life and growth in a messy and broken world.

How we wish our world can be a better place for our children. And often, the “powerful” adults are responsible to make that possible. We fail so frequently. Some of us blame those before us too. There’s always a place to do some accounting at some stage. But since the whole notion of “wish” is here, then to make a “wish come true” needs loads of imagination added with the necessary steps towards what we “wish” for. “wishful thinking” is when we are full of “wishes” and “thinking” but lack the courage maybe and perseverance to make those wishes become a reality in our world.

The coffee is finishing soon. The sun is really shining brighter now. Looks like it’s time to “zone out” from this moment of hopefully cultivating some “wisdom” so that one is not running around in circles “wishing” only. The road from wishing and wisdom isn’t that far I suppose, when we know when to stop and simply check on the direction we are heading. The way to folly is broad indeed. There are lots of “folly” fans ready to drag us into the mob of “foolishness”.

However, though the way of wisdom is narrow, and often hidden, you might spot the trail, or if you are lucky, and often we’re more than lucky and a little blessed, whether it’s a fellow pilgrim or a sagely master, we’re join in with a little more confidence we’re on the right path.

Hip hip hurray to all of them!

HIp hip hurray to all the children …

HIp hip hurray to our loved ones, those whom we often take for granted, and those whom we look forward to see one day.

And yes, one more!

Hip hip hurray to the one who made it possible to enjoy this coffee with all the factors needed to make it possible, and the assembling this awesome world we live in warts and all.

Random Thoughts on a cool and wet Sunday evening

Sivin Kit — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 05:49:27 +0000

It will be evening and then morning, another week begins.

I can hear the clock ticking on my left, and time is moving on quickly. I arrived in February, and then the rest of the family landed with me end of May. Now it’s already the middle of July. Almost 5 months and counting! There are moments when I hope it can trickle along slower.

* * *

Stillness and silence are previous in an age where we are bombarded with messages all the time. Even in a quiet place where we live now, our children give us enough messages to keep us quite occupied mentally. So, when there was a gap this afternoon, I felt a momentary "zen-like" escape that I needed. The added bonus was that Anja had a "zen-like" nap uninterrupted as I carried her with my right hand.

It was short but it was necessary. The rest of the family needed the "time out" literally. Gareth could go for cycling while Elysia and Ewan could follow mummy to the local shop. Any excuse to get out of the apartment since the whole day was raining, and the sun just "came out". So, it was a win-win for all.

Some need to get energized out with fresh air and nature. Others, simply need stillness and silence. Both at the same time, tomorrow likely at different times.

* * *

I’m surrounded by lots and lots of words, and sentences. Piled with paragraphs over paragraphs, having imaginary conversations with a few dead people, while other dialogues with living ones whom I have never met face to face. So, I’m not surprised that I’m drawn to a graphic biography of a so called revolutionary. I’m actually quite intrigued why the word "revolution" has become a little sensitive in some quarters. But it wasn’t too long ago that the phrase "quiet revolution of hope" resonated with many of us back home. In fact, I think it’s more relevant than ever today especially since July 9, 2011, where a significant number of people, many I would count as friends, were not only awakened, but also initiated to a new mode of existence.

Back to pictures, well, a graphic biography is understandably a short-cut compared to reading the wordy stuff. But then, I do need a different genre, especially when I’m juggling quite a few at the same time. I think perhaps the one I’m least in touch is poetry. Today’s slight excursion to music and lyrics was as close I’ll get to anything poetic for now.

I do realize my natural tendencies to stories, and pictures. Then there’s also the historical attention to design, and frames probably due to Dad’s influence. So much of who we are has had seeds planted within us, in times past, not by our own choosing. Now, the first step is not so much of choosing the seeds or whatever that has grown out of it, but more of choosing to acknowledge what has been planted in us for better or for worse.

* * *

The children chose two hymns today during our "home church" session. "Amazing Grace" and "This is my Father’s World". Two very familiar songs to the children, and personal favorites of mine. Somehow singing This is my Father’s World while being surrounded by what the lyrics describe, and hearing the sounds of the birds loud and clear does breath extra life to the song. And yet, it’s the phrase, "And tho’ the world is oft so wrong, God is the ruler yet …", has always been the one which anchors me, and refocused my attention for a moment.

There’s so much wrong in the world. There’s loads that’s wrong with the way we respond to the wrongs in the world. And to make things worse, there’s this weight of wrong mindsets and attitudes thrown in the mix. And wrong timing, together with wrong turns,… in short, a lot that’s wrong.

So, it’s difficult to get back on the right track, at least in quickly. And we are, at least I am, often impatient.

But this is where I’m drawn back at some level to the sacred and divine dimension, The "God" factor. I confess, I’m slower now to be too fast in assigning absolute attribution to specifics as if we have a "superman" solution to our wrongs encountered and experienced. But I’m also not willing to exclude that sacred dimension in our very secular earthly worldly existence. The question perhaps is what does it mean to have this sacred dimension, and in what way I could discern the divine in the midst of so much distortion, and how to I especially discern even the demonic however defined or described.

More questions than answers before I fall asleep. Perhaps, I might have some way to unconsciously work these things out while I’m in dream land. A case study for psychoanalysis to those who might have interest

* * *

It doesn’t feel that cool now, the blanket gives some warmth. There’s no rain outside. The weather forecast predicts a week of rain. But then we’re always open for surprises, even in the midst of plausibilities and possibilities.

Good to return to some random thoughts again. Hope to get back to random links … perhaps using the classic Windows Live Writer on a PC might be easier than using Blogsy on iPad. I’m always living in at least two worlds even in the world of technology. I see no need to resolve that.

* * *

Now I resolve to return to read the graphic biography entitled "CHE" and see where the pictures and dialogue lead me.

Ha Bet Bra (Have it Good!)

Random Thoughts after Saturday morning tea and cornflakes

Sivin Kit — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 07:07:24 +0000

Using a new iPad blog app this morning. Blogsy (will learn how to do the links later – then maybe Random Links might return?). So much has been going on that I haven’t managed to return to not just blogging but also my Sabbath Journaling.

Again, these random thoughts are meant to get back on the path of regular writing. I still would like to do more focused blog posts and center on a particular topic or theme. But we’ll see maybe later.

* * *

How do we navigate the stormy seas of polarities? How can we live and work through opposing ideas and in reality even conflicting camps?

One common way is simply to demonize the other, and angelicfy (is there such a word?) our ourselves. But the reality is that no one is pure evil, and we are surely not perfectly divine. We’ll leave the extreme cases aside for now, and ponder on ordinary folk like you and me. But having said that, there are real differences, and some of it has ethical consequences, in short, it demands we make choices to discern right from wrong, beautiful from ugly, and good from bad.

Take one step back, and we will need to recognize that none of us have the FULL picture, a kind of total “God’s eye point of view”, simply because we are not God. Some of us are insiders to the matter at hand, others are outsiders, and strangely there will be a few who are in-between. I’d venture to add that another few have the strange position of being in the flow of this complex web of relationships.

Take a deeper step inward, our attitudes to others and towards the subject matters would need attention too. Much has been made about “racist” remarks and “racist” attitudes these days. But there’s also that explicit “elitist” remarks and implicit “elitist” attitudes which might be lurking in the background.

it’s easier to detect the “racist” bits, but the “elitist” dimension shifts and shapes quickly depending on the reaction of others. But deep down it’s less about thinking we are right and the other is wrong, it’s more about we are unwilling to at least consider the concerns and experiences of the other, and for some strange reason think we have a better position to asses what both parties are looking at. Maybe it’s because we might have more information (so we think), or maybe it’s because we think we are more involved (which we might really be), or maybe it’s because we think we are smarter, more intelligent and others are stupid. The factors are legion.

The main problem with the “elitist” bug is that we lift ourselves above others, and in plain language “look down” on them because we consider them just “simple” folk. Academics get criticized all the time for being “elitist” because they use academic language which common people find it hard to follow. But then, there are certain rules of engagement in the academic sphere which requires a certain way of communicating and processing one’s ideas. It doesn’t mean it’s “elitist” just because some people might not understand what he or she says. Why? Because the attitude and articulation of the academic might very well be very much “on the ground” with the sentiments of those she is “investigating”, and what is more important there is genuine respect (even when one doesn’t understand fully) those whom she is studying. In short, there’s no “looking down” on someone, it’s more like trying to “look into” the situation, and maybe “look beyond” the surface.

All the ramblings above is trying to reflect on the posture of all who seek to engage in dialogue, conversation and debate on every subject that we are in tough with. Especially common subjects of interests, and in particular controversial matters where often turns from the original issues at hand, and becomes a debate on our identities.

* * *

Issues and identities are so related, and can’t be divided. So it’s impossible to have cold stance towards issues and warm posture to identities, or the other way round. But the fact is when one’s identity is being questioned, and usually it starts during a discussion on issues, it becomes messy. Because I suspect, while we can have some distance in talking about issues, it’s a little harder when it comes to who we are … it’s more personal. .. it’s about identity.

So polarizing issues is closely related to “polarizing identities”, and the forces in-between both is what I’m interested in. How we get in touch with these hidden forces is often through the visible conversations we have either in face to face conversations or textual ones on paper or on the screen.

Academic discussions aside, I’ve been reflecting on our “attitude” because our heart postures in terms of how we view another person makes a big difference in the dialogue process, and our own self-reflection process. I suspect, that the hardening of positions often is because the attention to our “attitudes” have been neglected.

The battleground of our “inner” attitudes is intense, and is very messy. That’s why I use to tell people lessons from contemplative spirituality have been such a life saver for me not just in spirituality, but in basic humanity. Charismatic spirituality was very helpful to energize me to move and do stuff. But often, it didn’t provide the inner silence needed to allow the entanglement of intense inner struggles to surface. And when it’s buried, it might bubble up some day, or burst forth unexpectedly.

* * *

I was pondering a lot about the metaphor (picture) of the window lately. It was partly inspired by a wise Jesuit when he was talking about how we look through a window, and all of us look through our windows, and usually we another person to point out what we can’t see in our window. But more than that, and this is to combine the window metaphor with the mirror metaphor, because the mirror allows us to see ourselves, and while the help of others is most valuable when it comes to pointing out what we might have missed. The Mirror gives us a change to personally take a responsibility to “look’ at ourselves. Nothing narcissistic here. 24 hour mirror time is no doubt self-absorbed. But the timely mirror time is justified

Where I was heading was there is such a thing as window/mirror .. in the sense that it allows us to “look through” to the other side, but also to “look back” to ourselves. And when we’re engaged in most notably deep and heart gripping issues, and complex reflections on identity, both at different times will help us see things a little clearer, even though not perfectly.

Then, I think it also feeds back into our own starting attitudes to either affirm it, or correct it.

* * *

Nothing too profound. Very unedited. Just some random thoughts. Most of us have it on and off.