Day 4 – Solitude & Stirrings

The past few days was pretty much surrounded by people, meeting people and talking with people. So I took the liberty to meditate along at 10am, here’s what I jotted down in my short time of SOLITUDE(which I really enjoyed!)

“Finally, I can have sometime alone. I chose to be alone rather than be with the group because I’m a little tired of words . Just want to enjoy some silence.

It’s hot at 10am (more like 11am in Kl). I’m facing the cloud-hidden Mount Kinabalu. The green trees are beautiful and I can hear the birds talking to each other. Some noises as well – like the Air-con (man made stuff!) .. someone just flushed the toilet … so hmmm … that’s bearable .. footsteps?!

And now my 3 R’s – Read, Reflect Respond … ”

Then I read Romans 8:31-39. And felt the “Who” word getting my attention … then a “What” thought came in … and later the focus came to “In Christ Jesus our Lord” … and “the love of God.” I then wrote,

“We lack no pain, distress, and suffering today (v. 35) we lack no “stuff” that seems to degeat us … even now, I think of a painful break-up, a struggling youth with addiction to smoking (wishing to quit), various conversations pointing to the reality of pain, Canny Ong, SARS, and the whole world …

So often, i feel overwhelmed simply because of the nature of my work … in seeking to identify with people, it can be overwhelming at times … BUT, here it says we overwhelmingly conquer (v.37) through Him who loved us .. now that keeps me going …”

And I guess, in that way, I can respond to the Lord by allowing myself to just “Pour out my heart to HIM” and allow others to do so as well …

The STIRRINGScame about by some of the questions being thrown up for discussion at the sessions. I appreciate Dr. Vic’s answers and I feel he is a wonderful model of handling delicate matters even though he may lack the practical experiences in these areas. But, I’m stirred within because I feel Christians and Christian leaders in particular so easily “write off” others who are unlike them, or don’t take seriously what others are doing to explore new ways of “applying” (the more impressive word is contextualize) their faith in their ongoing journey.

Before we even see tha value in the other person’s (or groups) quest, we tend to use our strengths (in this case stronger ability in theological reflection) to judge them or display our prejudice. I’m stirred because behind this so called “questioning” seems to lie an attitude of “superiority” which is yucky in my opinion and definately not even a mark of a Christian. It’s just reactive more than reflective … but then again, I’m seeing a tinge of reaction in me as well … so I’m on guard Lord, Help me out here! Getting myself into a prayerful mode turns my reaction to healthier reflection I hope … and then I can respond in a Christ-like manner. That’s my way of practicing romans 8:37 … that “I” overwhelmingly conquer (whatever that’s bugging me – i.e. some attitudes of Christians or my own) through HIm who loved.

I feel much better now!

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