Random Thoughts after Everyone is asleep


"Wisdom" is on my mind today … How does one become wiser? How can we embody and practice wisdom in a way which relates to all spheres of life? Where is the presence of absence of God in this pursuit? Why is it we are so tempted to make conclusions about ourselves and our surroundings so prematurely … especially in our youth?

Pain and hurts are the ingredients for maturing. It’s never pleasant, and so often we would wish the speed of the process can be faster, but the timing is not in our hands.  The least we can do is to learn to let go, but even letting go can be hard. Hard but not impossible. 

Too many words and analysis aren’t really that helpful.  When I say I resort to prayer, I mean it.  Sometimes, apart from some guidance we could offer (if solicited), the best we can offer is carrying our fellow brother or sister in prayer.

Is it better to be "naive" and "blur"? The more we know, the harder it is to get ourselves untangled from the emotional knots we are in. For me, when I know I’m not in my "clearest" mind to make the best decisions.  The wisdom of one or two trusted friends make a big difference.  Because at least I can be confident they have a clear head, and discerning heart.  Years ago, I was tempted to make a drastic decision which now looking back would have totally altered my life.  That one phone call to a friend who without being judgmental who told me to "follow you head, and not your feelings." practically saved me from relational suicide.  I’m eternally grateful that he was honest enough to tell me respectfully what he thought.

Was prayer easy in times of turmoil? not really … quick answers…. not as fast as I want it to be … doubts, confusion, frustration, disappointment, … the drive within to quickly resolve the inner tensions, all of those came into play.  One can be so vulnerable in times like this.  That’s why who we talk to makes such a difference.  In my case, in hindsight … after more than 10 years, I’d say … there were decisions made on who I’d listen to, and it made a huge difference of where I am today.  There’s no way to prove it, but I just kind of know.

I’m feeling better now.  I think the flu is fading away. Physically, I crashed after some intense mental activity at the beginning of the week.  The three days two nights gave me some clarity too. It was more like a personal retreat thought it was more focused as a Study retreat.

Plan to re-center a little before I finalized preparations for tomorrow. The body is regenerating I think.  Emotionally I’m checking in decently.  Still a cough or two. Intellectually, most stimulated.  Spiritually, it’s never ending.

About Sivin Kit

man of one wife, father of four kids
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