Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category
Listening to Ewan so excited about his
“Toy Story” puzzle brought a smile on my face.
Sometimes there’s a strange awkward silence around the dinner table, and it makes you wonder what on earth is floating in people’s minds.
Why is the air conditioning so cold in hotels?
Can someone stop playing the same saxophone music over and over again?
No one likes conflict, but then we are often put in situations where we need to confront someone or a scenario head on. We know we need to do it, but how?
Wisdom is a rare commodity. Acting dumb is easier.
I must have been pretty exhausted to actually manage to nap in the crammed up seat on an Air Asia flight.
The blessed bonus was to read a pretty on good short book on eternal life and eschatology. These Catholic theologians can write!
These easy listening music is really hard on my ears.
I like train rides. There’s something unhurried about the whole journey. My mind is drawn back to some memories of my first train ride experience in Germany all by myself. It was fun!
Arrghhh! The music here is driving me nuts!!!!
I’m going to really appreciate silence.
In fact some inner silence will help me in the coming hours and days.
I confess I haven’t been able to fully get into a writing mode.
I enjoy the oral and interactive mode of communication. A lot of what has been going on the past weeks are captured by the project 365 pictures. In between there’s been good meetings for work, great appointments with friends, scattered encounters with the unplanned for, and just the mundane daily stuff.
This week is going to be intense as the weekend draws near. Then another round the following week. so, two cycles of intensity.
Thus, it’s crucial to have a needed break in between where life is intentionally NOT intense.
The leisurely coffee was nice. 
My notebook fried on me 
And just when I thought all is gone. A neuron in my brain connected me mysteriously to a memory. And we’ll see whether the warranty might resurrect my faithful notebook since 2007 November. Fingers crossed. Prayer hands clasped.
Ewan has been showing growing affection to me. Such a delight. The fact is he’s “Mummy’s Boy”. And this is understandable. Amongst all three kids, May Chin has spent the most time in Ewan’s development since birth. One of the phrases which marks him differently from the other two is, “Mummy says, ‘_______’”. Don’t underestimate those two words. It’s authoritative and directive!
How will the week turn out? Would the much awaited news and next step finally come? Hope so. At the mean time, the rhythm of rest/reflection and work/action continues.
Of course, our fictional story the children and I have been telling in the evening based on fact continues to evolve with it’s twists and turns. The imaginary world is a fascinating place to be. This is where we can try ideas, explore possibilities, test out models, dwell in some danger safely, and engage in a whole range of activity in the safety of the common world of our construction.
And yet, the messy, dirty, ugly, dusty mixed with pretty, witty, funny everyday existence wobbles on whether we like it or not. And the wonders of our both worlds are equally real even though one is more real than the other, but the other is more possible to become real with some faith.
Looks like I’ll be back to packing some books. Finish off one long awaited one. It’s always easier to acquire books than pack them. Starting a few books is peanuts. Finishing them is the hard work. Scanning is fun thought
it’s 10am. So far, so good.
How time flies.
Wow I was really thin then!
Hmm. the hair was thicker too
And of course, for someone who doesn’t like to fit in boxes, I did survive being put in one quite well.
These are the days of digital pictures, but Elysia is now enjoying the old photo albums. It’s an expected moment of telling our history.
Even when I was a kid, Dad used to sit down with us a few times a year to look through his slide collection.
Those were the days where we relived the episodes which capture the many travels we embarked on. These were the snapshots of the memories which shape who we are.
Of course, usually photos capture the happy moments. But you and I know that a lot happens in between those smiles. There would have been moments of loneliness, pain and unhappiness. Scattered through out timeline would be the mundane as well as the magnificent.
And we just thought it’s photo albums right?
Photos merely point to the reality we experienced. And in between the pictures are bits and pieces of the puzzle of our lives which are embedded in our neurons somewhere.
The feelings these pictures generate is amazing, and what triggers between the gaps are intriguing.
And ALL of this is part of who we are, the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly.
Elysia is still looking through the photos of Daddy and Mummy – the younger looking “us”. Somehow, what she’s doing is shaping who she is too. A young beautiful girl who continues the stories of Sivin Kit and Long May Chin, but she, Gareth and Ewan will go beyond us to chart their own masterpieces.
My prayer is that we have done and will do all we can to help them along the path. This is my simple prayer and desire which orients my actions. As parents we don’t want to hinder or hurt them, even though no one can fully guarantee that. We can merely intend to do what is right, the best that we can. The rest is mystery.
I haven’t seriously blogged much since my Dell Notebook has landed up in “Hospital”. But I can still make an attempt again with the Dell Desktop at home.
Plan to skip lunch today, maybe will stick with fruits to ease into the Ramadan with my Muslim friends
Sorting out my books has been fun. Landed up returning to some pleasant reading on Hermeneutics last night. The 30+ pages was worth it. When I finished digesting the two chapters, all my kids were fast asleep while I was wide awake with 101 thoughts floating in my head.
One more day, or maybe a couple more to await for the next step as far as the near future plans are concerned. I hope I can manage the multiple plates I’m spinning in the midst of all this.
BLC Renovation. LCMS Matters. Family Concerns. Handling the Kit Do-Re-Mi. Uncluttering. Making sure my GTD system is rebooted properly. Friends in Conversation stuff. CCM Youth. Behind the scenes goodies. Hanging out with NECF friends. BLC regular ministry. And the list goes on.
I’m more aware of my breathing today. Perhaps today is a good day for a much needed swim in the pool Note to self: NOT sit in the pool, but swim in the pool! ROFL.
I’m increasingly troubled when I get the sense that some religious leaders begin to think of their work as a business expansion exercise. I also find that when leaders think in terms of sucking resources from others for their own gain albeit camouflaged with spiritual lingo distasteful. What happened to the kingdom of God? Why have we landed up more about our own kingdoms or even achievements? Beware! For we never know when it will all crash and burn.
After an interview session yesterday, I realized afresh how much I detest bullies. Bullies in all forms. I also recalled perhaps the seed experiences which has enabled me not to stereotype people, and appreciate the spectrum found in all communities.
I’m also discovering some areas which require attention in the coming years. Or maybe it’s more of accepting the change I’ve been going through. Each of us move through different phases and stages in our journey. We are never static. Some areas in my own pilgrimage have expanded. I was reminded of the hermeneutical spiral last night. It’s fascinating how reading an academic book draws you to simple daily life. A quick honest glance at my own history tells me how that spiral has occurred.
No regrets. Painful lessons sure. But no turning back time to rectify anything. Every raw material remains that raw, And with that one refines how one understands after listening to the past afresh.
What pulls me forward is the future. That paradigm is quite different from being pushed from the past. I need to think about this more today. Appreciate the past, and yet attracted by the future.
Not bad Got some random thoughts blurted out. I feel better already.
I don’t like tantrums. Period.
Blind spots abound for ourselves and for others. Usually, it’s ourselves that miss the point.
We ask for feedback. Sometimes, we don’t like what we hear but we asked for it.
Our energy level is limited. At times we can rise to the occasion and navigate quite a storm. At other times, we might prefer to stay home and let the storm settle.
When a team comes together, captures what’s happening, reflects on the lessons and insights learnt, and imagines what’s possible. That’s energizing.
The plate is still quite full. Yes, “You asked for it”, some may say. Or “You didn’t say No?”. This is the season to slowly chew what has been bitten. Bite new pieces – small pieces. Finish off what we can.
Finished a book within 2 days. Feels good to have done that. 91 pages. Insightful without too much information crowding the main line of thought. Funny how the book somehow fits into some of the episodes I’m experiencing now. It’s totally focused on the public dimension but has personal implications.
Differences and uniqueness are here to stay. Indeed, the body has many parts, and each functions differently. Such wisdom is so plain to see but we’re often so blind to it. Why are we blind to it? Not because we have the inability to see it, it’s more that other forces cloud what we can “see”. The question is what are those forces? Move it further down, how did those forces have such power over us?
It’s pretty frustrating when your email account is compromised and you have to reply to people apologizing for links that were never sent by you.
The word for this morning’s FREEDOM movement is “Heart untroubled”. Thus, a good reminder last night to inhale and exhale and practice some spiritual breathing. Funny, because for me to get spiritual it starts with the physical!
I really miss the Father’s House. And I look forward to see that we can return as soon as possible. This week will be crucial as it will determine the speed of when we can start, and therefore predict when we can move back. God it’s tough this “waiting” business.
On a personal end, it’s been a touch learning curve for me too. How does one wait proactively and not slip into just bumming around? Well, in my case, there’s 101 things on my plate. But I suppose it’s more of the battles in the heart, or to put it more mildly the reordering of the furniture of my heart.
Our inner minds and outer world is full of “stuff”. Often needed, some unnecessary, many delayed actions. Looks like, today will be a good chance to unclutter some of them. Starting with my email.
One of the things I appreciated was when we took down the old Father’s house ceiling, and it gave me a fresh perspective of our roof structure, and also what is possible for the future. It’s a useful analogy for life actually, especially when most of us won’t ever tear everything down and rebuild from scratch. We’ll likely do more renovation-like work which in many ways is more challenging as we negotiate what to keep, what to throw away, and how to tweak the whole structure.
Just to recount some blessings last night which had a nice wrap up.
I continue to be amazed by the power of story. Elysia, Gareth and I have constructed a mixture of misfit characters in our imaginary world. Using names of familiar characters but injecting into them new personalities and identities. It’s a fascinating experiment. They chose the actors, I started of with the basic narrative, they tweak it along the way. It’s been pretty adventurous thus far.
There’s the three robots are Tin Tin, Robin and the robot dog Snowy. Robots who later the kids decided wanted to be human. Then we have the mega villian the Rat King who’s chasing after them, and has a venomous bite. A bite which can turn humans into robots. Oh let’s not forget the Lion who lost his baby cubs one day but now had become the body guard for the three robots.
We’ve been through caves, waterfalls, jungles, and the whole lot. We’ve had a diamond, spider webs which becomes a cocoon for robots to turn into humans. A guiding lady bird. This beats Cable TV!
We’re taking a one night break tonight, and resume the next episode tomorrow.
By the way, we had a little debate on whether Snowy the robot dog will turn into a real dog or a human boy. The real dog won!
On a less imaginary level, when one is tired and drained, it’s wonderful to have a fellow companion to not just cheer you on, but remind you that it’s ok to take time to check on how full one’s bucket is.:-)
The good part is there’s no football match.
Next, I think I’m recovering from my flu.
Third, I finished my article touched 4000 words. Not great, but let’s see.
Try short spurts for a change!
Got whacked. But then life’s full of them.
The waiting is different but it’s still waiting! 
There are variety of “waitings”, I call this the “now” and “not yet” kind.
So much on my plate, eat slowly.
One bite at a time. But still have to bite. Oh yes, must chew also.
I wonder how therapeutic all this vague metaphorical talk is.
Got two days to reenergize for the world cup final. I like the color orange. But the Spanish music yesterday was awesome.
Words are so easily misunderstood. It’s usually what we read “into” it more than what we read “out of” it.
Nice to change the type of journal I’m using for my analog journaling. No lines! A lot that’s coming seems to be that way no lines to write on.
The Manuka honey did some wonders I think. Might got for one more before I sleep.
Landed up keying these random thoughts after 1am.
Ah . little interruptions. But unavoidable.
as an ENFP, it was nice to get some encouragement to explore the academic sphere. It’s not easy to be an ENFP, when the context is more comfortable for ISTJs. Lord have mercy.
It’s fun to slip into a semi solitude mode with the help of a set of ear phones.
The short time I have now before meeting some friends is a much needed time to be alone.
So much has been going on the past weeks. One word: overwhelming.
Glad to survive thus far. Maybe barely sometimes, but mostly gracefully.
I’m learning afresh what “Now” and “Not Yet” means. Just when the pages of my last journal was running out, maybe 2 more pages left, I received what I needed to hear at the appropriate time.
Often, we’re always looking for answers, and yet answers come at the most unexpected juncture. Usually, just in time. I wonder whether it’s God’s sense of humor, or simply the strange dance of human history even for one’s personal pilgrimage on earth.
The “Now” changes everything, it shifts the rhythm, it brings focus and affirms one’s directions. It may also pull a stop or even redirect one’s path. Anyway, for now, for me it’s good. The “Not Yet” keeps one guarded and cautious. There’s an energetic pull from the future but it’s not one where we don’t have a role in it, or a part to play. So, here I’m learning again how can I live in between the “now” and “not yet”.
The ordinary stuff continues – the shuttling of kids, the arrangements needed for family, daily work, short-term adjustments, longer term planning, the list goes on. There have been some real extraordinary circumstances affecting our family these days. So, we’re trying to figure out how on earth are we to live?
Major decisions need to be made when the time is right. Then again, when do we really know the exact time is right? I was talking with May Chin the other day, if we need to make a decision it’s probably not so much of whether the time is right. It’s more of it is right to make the decision.
Funny how I have been thinking about an envelope lately. In an age where most of what we do is through the internet, it’s a little nostalgic to go “analog” so to speak. Back to basics. But I guess, the reason my mind has been thinking about envelopes maybe related to something are simply unable to be conveyed through a screen.
What will the future lie for us? How can we discern what’s the best or at least better ways to move on? What would it cost us to do so? How will people whom we love and love us be affected? None of this can be settled just in front of a screen.
When the lights of the screen shuts down, and I find myself simple alone with myself with a blank mirror like screen staring at me, it’s soul searching time. Some are paralyzed by self-analysis, others blossom when we can face ourselves with the naked truths of the honesty which frees.
Oh . random thoughts as the Lemon tea is finishing while the music plays on, people walking past me, others sitting in front of their screen too. A community of a small group in “solitude”, couples reading magazines or chatting, friends around round tables, – a cluster of strangers. I’m going to take another sip and pay the parking ticket.
What do you do when you wobble? Try to get back into balance right? What do you do when you stumble or fall? Pick ourselves up again right?
What if we can’t pick ourselves up? What if we can’t balance ourselves?
It was interesting to hear the volunteer from Hospice Malaysia utter the simple exhortation, “Let your family help you, Uncle. Let them do things for you.”
We’ve been trained to be independent. Independent at times is translated as I don’t need anyone, I can do things myself. Where in actual fact, it should be more of I’m willing to be responsible for my actions, and make thought through choices and not put the blame on others.
Being Independent doesn’t mean we don’t need others. But it hard to be reminded we can’t go do things on our own. And yet, that’s the fact of life. Having said that, there are still paths where it’s not about whether we need or don’t need people, it’s simply pathways we need to walk alone (okay, as a theist, with God then).
There are muddy roads only we can walk through the dirt alone, wobbling at times to find some balance or picking ourselves up when we stumble. After a short pause, we try to clean up the mess we’re in.
Okay, this series is about random thoughts. So, here we go again . random away!
Tears and even prayers while opens the doors to forgiveness. The temptation to sweep things under the carpet is knocking at the door too. Tears are meant to open our hearts up to face the naked truth and as healing comes, we pick ourselves up and put things right for the future even when we can’t change the past.
Who doesn’t like to play Mr. Nice Guy? Isn’t it great when people look at you, you’ll be a “huggy” symbol of love? Sigh, life doesn’t turn out that way all the time. There will be days where you might be the most hated person because you are messing with people’s ego and perceived authority.
How does one navigate between being pastoral to hurting sheep or even shepherds, and yet being prophetic when there’s abuse, mishandling, selective ignorance?
Prophets get sawed, killed, or thrown out into the desert.
Pastors are expected to be people pleasers.
When I grow old, I don’t want to be a cynic. I don’t want to give excuses for what cannot be done. I don’t want to blame the environment, I might understand the limits. But this blame game is a futile one to play.
It’s tragic when so often we start well with sincerity as clear as purified water, and yet in our closing chapters of our ministries or work, we need some serious detoxification. There will be some who think they are merely being realistic and pragmatic, when it’s a cover up for a personal sense of failure. What we need in times like this is healing, not teaching the next generation what to do.
It’s Friday. Some thank God, maybe a few are cursing their stars. For me, time has passed so fast. It’s already past the half year mark. Time doesn’t wait for any man or woman, animal or plant
We’re all learning to take it all in. Filter some debris, cleanse some inner toxic waste, face our brokenness, count our blessings, begin again and again. All this in between sighs and prayers, giggles and tears, silence and noise.
Choosing the road less travelled can be a lonely journey. It feels alone. But on second thoughts then maybe I’m not totally alone. Perception is one thing, but we can be open to a reality beyond our perceptions. Some call this self-delusion. Sure, we’re always slipping into denial. But I prefer to see it as faith. Walking by Faith and not by Sight.
Waiting is such a strange discipline. It’s disarming because you are simply not in control. But we like to be in control, we want to set the pace for what we want to do.
Charting sketches for an imaginable future is responsible. In fact, I’ve always been intrigued by our human ability to picture in our minds what is possible. It’s simple amazing how we can live in the light of the future.
Paradoxically, we could also live in the comfort of the past, or for some the prison of the past depending where we are in relation to the past.
But, now we’re talking about waiting and the future.
This morning’s sacred space opening is timely.
Jesus invites to himself all those who labour and are burdened. The phrase ‘comfort zone’ is used of the state where we feel life is under control and satisfactory. Jesus is inviting those who are not in the comfort zone, who feel oppressed by anxiety and uncertainty. I am often weary, Lord, and my burden feels heavy on me. When I look at Christians, some of them indeed seem relaxed and easy in your company. Others appear uptight and driven, not restful people to be near. You are a gentle, humble presence. If I feel under pressure in prayer, something is wrong. It is a sign of your presence to me that my soul feels rested.
How can we live with our souls rested in a world which is categorized mostly by being driven and burdened? How do we stand above the messy expectations crashing to our consciousness whether planned or thrown at us? How do we learn to wait when the urge to be control and move things along in our so called predicted timing?
Wait! Perhaps, it’s times like now when we can treasure even a short moment of “solitude”. Doesn’t have to be long, but it needs to be significant. A significant silent solitude. Then even when we drive along the crowded highway and get on with our day, there is a tinge of restfulness.
That’s the irony the more we are able to wait, be restful, and don’t require to be in control, then we are more composed and clear headed. The clutter can begin to settle or even get sorted as we trod along.
Looks like I have quite a list of things to do. Loads to uncluttering to do A decent about of human defragmentation. Trying to get back to normal rhythm (if that were ever possible). The world out their still spins and spins. What’s key is my heart won’t spin out of orbit!
This personal ’solitude’ was precious, tomorrow night we’ll practice ’solitude’ in the presence of others. Learning to wait again, letting go so we can be open for a fresh embrace of gentle, humble presence.