Random Thoughts while listening to the same music over and over again


What do you do when you wobble? Try to get back into balance right? What do you do when you stumble or fall? Pick ourselves up again right?

What if we can’t pick ourselves up?  What if we can’t balance ourselves?

It was interesting to hear the volunteer from Hospice Malaysia utter the simple exhortation, “Let your family help you, Uncle.  Let them do things for you.”

We’ve been trained to be independent. Independent at times is translated as I don’t need anyone, I can do things myself. Where in actual fact, it should be more of I’m willing to be responsible for my actions, and make thought through choices and not put the blame on others. 

Being Independent doesn’t mean we don’t need others. But it hard to be reminded we can’t go do things on our own. And yet, that’s the fact of life.  Having said that, there are still paths where it’s not about whether we need or don’t need people, it’s simply pathways we need to walk alone (okay, as a theist, with God then).

There are muddy roads only we can walk through the dirt alone, wobbling at times to find some balance or picking ourselves up when we stumble. After a short pause, we try to clean up the mess we’re in.

Okay, this series is about random thoughts.  So, here we go again . random away!

Tears and even prayers while opens the doors to forgiveness.  The temptation to sweep things under the carpet is knocking at the door too. Tears are meant to open our hearts up to face the naked truth and as healing comes, we pick ourselves up and put things right for the future even when we can’t change the past.

Who doesn’t like to play Mr. Nice Guy?  Isn’t it great when people look at you, you’ll be a “huggy” symbol of love? Sigh, life doesn’t turn out that way all the time.  There will be days where you might be the most hated person because you are messing with people’s ego and perceived authority. 

How does one navigate between being pastoral to hurting sheep or even shepherds, and yet being prophetic when there’s abuse, mishandling, selective ignorance?

Prophets get sawed, killed, or thrown out into the desert.

Pastors are expected to be people pleasers.

When I grow old, I don’t want to be a cynic. I don’t want to give excuses for what cannot be done.  I don’t want to blame the environment, I might understand the limits.  But this blame game is a futile one to play.

It’s tragic when so often we start well with sincerity as clear as purified water, and yet in our closing chapters of our ministries or work, we need some serious detoxification. There will be some who think they are merely being realistic and pragmatic, when it’s a cover up for a personal sense of failure. What we need in times like this is healing, not teaching the next generation what to do.

It’s Friday.  Some thank God, maybe a few are cursing their stars. For me, time has passed so fast.  It’s already past the half year mark.  Time doesn’t wait for any man or woman, animal or plant 🙂

We’re all learning to take it all in.  Filter some debris, cleanse some inner toxic waste, face our brokenness, count our blessings, begin again and again.  All this in between sighs and prayers, giggles and tears, silence and noise.

Choosing the road less travelled can be a lonely journey. It feels alone.  But on second thoughts then maybe I’m not totally alone. Perception is one thing, but we can be open to a reality beyond our perceptions. Some call this self-delusion.  Sure, we’re always slipping into denial. But I prefer to see it as faith. Walking by Faith and not by Sight.

About Sivin Kit

man of one wife, father of four kids
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