Random Thoughts while drinking Lemon Green Tea

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It’s fun to slip into a semi solitude mode with the help of a set of ear phones.

The short time I have now before meeting some friends is a much needed time to be alone.

So much has been going on the past weeks.  One word: overwhelming.

Glad to survive thus far.  Maybe barely sometimes, but mostly gracefully.

I’m learning afresh what “Now” and “Not Yet” means.  Just when the pages of my last journal was running out, maybe 2 more pages left, I received what I needed to hear at the appropriate time. 

Often, we’re always looking for answers, and yet answers come at the most unexpected juncture. Usually, just in time.  I wonder whether it’s God’s sense of humor, or simply the strange dance of human history even for one’s personal pilgrimage on earth.

The “Now” changes everything, it shifts the rhythm, it brings focus and affirms one’s directions.  It may also pull a stop or even redirect one’s path.  Anyway, for now, for me it’s good.  The “Not Yet” keeps one guarded and cautious.  There’s an energetic pull from the future but it’s not one where we don’t have a role in it, or a part to play.  So, here I’m learning again how can I live in between the “now” and “not yet”.

The ordinary stuff continues – the shuttling of kids, the arrangements needed for family, daily work, short-term adjustments, longer term planning, the list goes on. There have been some real extraordinary circumstances affecting our family these days.  So, we’re trying to figure out how on earth are we to live?

Major decisions need to be made when the time is right.  Then again, when do we really know the exact  time is right?  I was talking with May Chin the other day, if we need to make a decision it’s probably not so much of whether the time is right.  It’s more of it is right to make the decision.

Funny how I have been thinking about an envelope lately.  In an age where most of what we do is through the internet, it’s a little nostalgic to go “analog” so to speak.  Back to basics.  But I guess, the reason my mind has been thinking about envelopes maybe related to something are simply unable to be conveyed through a screen.

What will the future lie for us?  How can we discern what’s the best or at least better  ways to move on?  What would it cost us to do so?  How will people whom we love and love us be affected?  None of this can be settled just in front of a screen. 

When the lights of the screen shuts down, and I find myself simple alone with myself with a blank mirror like screen staring at me, it’s soul searching time. Some are paralyzed by self-analysis, others blossom when we can face ourselves with the naked truths of the honesty which frees.

Oh . random thoughts as the Lemon tea is finishing while the music plays on, people walking past me, others sitting in front of their screen too.  A community of a small group in “solitude”, couples reading magazines or chatting, friends around round tables, – a cluster of strangers. 🙂 I’m going to take another sip and pay the parking ticket.


About Sivin Kit

man of one wife, father of four kids
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